ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"spare no expense, buddy. Dinner is on me"

bˆă

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“6yŒ´‘čzArchitect of Destruction

Woman: I love how old parts of the city are. Hmm. It makes me feel connected to history.

Ted: Old is always better. I can't wait to be old.

Woman: Me, too. You can wear elastic everything. Your lipstick doesn't have to stay inside the lines.

elastic LkŤ‚Ě‚ ‚é

Ted: You can shoplift and pretend you're just confused.

shoplift –œˆř‚Ť‚ˇ‚é

Woman: You could nap anywhere. Uh-huh. Even while driving. It's gonna be great. I can't wait to be all run-down and weathered and wrinkly.

run-down ”ć‚ę‰Ę‚Ä‚é weathered •—‰ť‚ľ‚˝ wrinkly ˜Vl

Ted: Well, I'd say you got a pretty long wait.

Woman: That's sweet. It would be sweeter if you hadn't thought I was a tranny before, but it's still sweet.

tranny Ť“]ŠˇŽŇ

Barney: Oh, Ted, that's so romantic. I want to fill a pillowcase with dead batteries and beat you with it.

Woman: Hey, Ted, can I ask you something

Ted: Anything.

Woman: Will you sign this petition?

petition ’QŠč‘

Ted: Save The Arcadian

Woman: We are gonna stop the bastards at Goliath National Bank from demolishing it. Will you support us?

Barney: And you said...?

Ted: Where do I sign?

Barney: Hmm. Grape scotch. Not bad. Ted, you only think The Arcadian needs to be saved because some pretty girl thinks that. And seriously... Boobs?

Ted: This isn't about the girl. It's about the building.

Barney: And what did this "Zoey" say when she found out that you're the one tearing down her beloved Arcadian? That you, Ted Mosby, are the Architect Of Destruction?

Marshall: Whoa! Sweet wrestling name alert.

Ted: Well... Uh, it's a... it's a funny thing about that...

Zoey: So what do you do, Ted?

Ted: I'm a veterinarian.

veterinarian bˆă

Ted: What? I panicked!

Barney: This whole Arcadian thing is classic Mosby. Changing your personality to fit some girl.

Ted: I don't do that.

Ted: Well, off to meet Steph. We're adrenaline junkies!

Ted: Penelope is taking me to the Battle of Gettysburg. We're gonna eat squirrel!

Ted: Look, she's really hot, okay?

Ted: Aww! Come on! Come on! We all change a little for whoever we're into. Barney pretended to be a rabbi to get laid.

Barney: Asian girls love them some Jews.

Ted: And Marshall never would've listened to The Indigo Girls if it weren't for Lily.

Lily: Um, I think you got that backwards there, Chief.

Marshall: And you're welcome.

Ted: The point is, you weren't pretending to like the Indigo Girls for the other person. You realized you liked them because of the other person. Just like me, Zoey and The Arcadian. Did GNB really put snakes in The Arcadian?

Barney: No. Technically, they were eggs.

Ted: Did you just say "eggs"?

Barney: I don't recall saying "eggs."

Max: So I walk into my boss's office and suddenly I realize, "Holy crap, I'm about to quit"

Marshall thinking: Small penis. You have a small penis. Oh, that's super interesting, but you have a small penis. Damn it, Marshall! Okay. Okay. Think of any two words other than "small" or "penis". Got it: small penis. Damn it!

Robin: Yeah, I-I think it is so cool that you started your own law firm.

Max: Well, right now it's a pretty small practice.

practice ŠJ‹Ć

Marshall: Hey, hey. I bet it's not that small.

Max: Bro, it's... pretty small.

Marshall: Yeah, but, uh, you know what they say. The important thing is-is how you use it, you know? "The motion of the ocean." That whole thing.

Robin: He said it's small, Marshall, and everybody's fine with that. Let's just move on.

Marshall: I'm just saying that I bet it's bigger than he thinks. And thick.

Max: Nah. Everything about it is tiny. The office is tiny. The conference room is tiny. Plus, I got a very small staff.

Robin: Let's order!

Narator: As I was mustering the courage to call Zoey and tell her my true identity...

muster •ą‚˘‹N‚ą‚ˇ

Ted: Zoey... I'm Batman. Hmm. That'd be cool.

Narator:...the strangest thing happened.

Zoey: I need your help. Just to warn you. What I'm about to show you is not a hundred percent legal.

Ted: Wasn't expecting bunnies.

Zoey: I stole them, Ted. My animal rights group liberated these guys from an evil cosmetics company. And I figured, "Hey, Ted's a vet. He can check them out and make sure they're okay."

liberate ‰đ•ú‚ˇ‚é

Ted: Absolutely. Just let me run up and get my bag of vet supplies. Okay. Why would I say that?

Max: Well, I know what I'm getting. The porterhouse. I've had it here before. It is like this. It's huge.

Marshall: Well, spare no expense, buddy. Dinner is on me, and-and get dessert. Maybe this molten chocolate lava cake? I just want you to be happy.

spare no expense ‹ŕ‚ÉŽ…–Ú‚đ‚‚Ż‚Č‚˘

Max: Thanks, man. Next time, it is on me. Excuse me. I'll be right back. All right.

Robin: Totally.

Marshall: We'll just be here. You're great.

Max: Ah. Thanks, bro. It's, uh.... it's going on a while.

Marshall: I know.

Max: Thanks.

Lily: Damn, baby, be cool!

Robin: You're acting like he has six months to live.

Marshall: It's your fault! You ladies and your salty sailor talk!

Robin: Oh, come on! What about you men and your locker room talk?

Marshall: Locker room talk. Do you want to know what it's like in a men's locker room?

Marshall: It's just a bunch of uncomfortable dudes trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. And one old guy just letting it all hang out.

hang out ‚˘‚č‚Ń‚˝‚é

Lily: Are you suggesting that guys don't talk about sex?

Marshall: Yes, we do, but you know what we say? "I hit that.""I got some.""I tapped it." "I squeezed those." Discreet and efficient.

Discreet T‚Ś‚ß‚Č

Robin: Not to mention classy.

Marshall: Thank God that I'm not dating. If I thought that Lily talked in that much detail about our sex life, I'd probably kill myself. Oh, no. What did you tell her?

Lily: Oh, nothing. We don't talk about you!

Marshall: Are you sure?

Robin: Yeah. That argument has no traction whatsoever.

Ted: You just broke in and stole these guys? Aren't you worried about getting arrested?

Zoey: Nah. I've been arrested lots of times. Chinese Democracy.

Ted: Wow. You're a little bit crazy.

Zoey: Well, I'm usually crazy for a good cause. I can't just sit by while voiceless people or animals, or even buildings get screwed over. I'm certainly not gonna just sit by while GNB turns The Arcadian into a soulless metal box.

Ted: Yeah. Yeah. Although I hear there's a lovely rooftop patio where folks can enjoy a nice bag lunch, so...

Zoey: Ted, I will find the bastards at GNB responsible for this, and I promise you, I will take them down.

Barney: Ted, this woman is an anarchist, a sociopath, a lunatic, and for the love of God, boobs?!

Ted: Solid C-cup, perky bounce.

Barney: Momentary grudging respect.

Momentary ‚‚Š‚ĚŠÔ‚Ě grudging ‚˘‚₢‚â‚Ě

Ted: Zoey does what she believes is right, and I want to do the same thing. We have to find a new site for this building.

Barney: Ted, that is never gonna happen.

Ted: Well, I can't tear down The Arcadian. I'm sorry, but I'm off the project.

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