Kids,everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup.
Half the length of the relationship.
One week for every month you were together.
Exactly 10,000 drinks.However long that takes.
You can't measure something like this in time.There's a series of steps.From her bed to the front door.Bam! Out of there.Next!
But I think you start to recover the moment you meet that person who gets you back in the game.This is the story of how I met that person.Now,kids,if you want to go swimming, you don't just dive in.First,you dip your toe in the water.
You check the temperature.See how it feels.
And then you slowly wade in.
I got left at the altar a month ago.
It was a complete disaster and ever since then, I haven't been able to even look at another woman.Except for the old lady on the subway who break-dances for nickels.I don't look at her that way.I just look at her.I mean,it's an old lady break-dancing.And she is good.I'm going to give her a dollar next time.Hey,let's pretend I just said this: These elevator rides have been the highlight of my week, and I'd love to see you again Friday night.Not in the elevator.At a rtaurant, a nice one.What do you say?
Kids,I walked in on a lot of crazy stuff at the old apartment over the years.
Sorry,guys.I'm just going to go with a bowl of fruit.
It's been 12 minutes!
Ike,why are you pointing your gun at me?
Don't use my name!
Put the guns down,now!
But one of the craziest things I ever walked in on happened when I was roommates with your Aunt Robin.
Hey.Who are you?!
What you doing,Mitch?
Oh,you must be the roommate.I'm on a date with Robin.She had to step outside to take a call.I guess her cell phone doesn't work in here.
Oh Ohh! Oh Robin,uh,didn't use the super secret signal.We-we put this old takeout menu on the doorknob.Place went out of business.Mr.Wang's Guess I don't have to explain why that's funny.I'm going to go.Um,when you leave, take the seat cushion with you.That's trash now.
I think that I am more than qualified for the job.My weaknesses? Um I would say caring too much, working too hard, and putting my career in front of my love life.Whoops,that last one was real.What?!
qualified for 適任の
Well,it appears our sweet, innocent,little Robin has taken a lover.A young blade by the name of Mitch.
No,her blind date? Uh-uh.Total bust.She's been sending me text messages all night.She just let him go upstairs to use the bathroom a second ago.
Excuse me a minute.
Ah! Buddy,you are killing me.I'm kind of in the middle of something here.
Middle of what?!
This is my move.It's called,The Naked Man.
The Naked Man?
Goes like this: You're on a first date, you've had a few drinks, You make an excuse to go up to the girl's apartment.
So,the bathroom's right there.
You know what, I'm going to grab this.
Then,once she leaves the room, you strip down naked and wait.When she comes back, she laughs.She's so charmed by your confidence and bravado, she sleeps with you.Boom!
charmed by ひきつけられる confidence ずうずうしさ bravado 虚勢
There is no way that works!
Two out of three times.
Two out of three times?
Two out of three times.You just have to pick your spot.The Naked Man is best used as a last resort, kind of a Hail Mary on a first date when you know there's not going to be a second one.
How do you know there's not going to be a second date?
Ted,look at me.
I'd rather not,Mitch.
Robin is way out of my league.I'm not smart, funny or handsome.And as you can plainly see, there's nothing impressive going on anywhere around here.My only shot with a girl like Robin is the element of surprise.And,let's be honest, a little pity.It's shock and aw.
plainly 明らかに pity 同情
This doesn't really work.
Two out of three times.Guaranteed.
Two out of three times.He guaranteed it.
Oh,come on.There is no way that's going to work on Robin.She's going to walk in there, take one look at that idiot and send him packing.
Yeah,she migh kick his ass first.
Yeah,she might get her gun and shoot him.
Mr.Wang's is back in business.