Stella: Hey, did you get the beer?
Ted: Yeah, I got 144-pack. The rest is in the trunk.
Stella: And did you sign up for the membership?
Stella: Why not?
Ted: There was a line for the photos my hair's a mess. I don't want to move to New Jersey.
Ted: I can't do it. And I can't see any reason why you and Lucy shouldn't move to New York.
Stella: Well, my daughter goes to school here. All of her friends are here. I've lived here my whole life. My whole family is here. This is my house. I'm on the PTA, and as of June 1, I'm the deputy mayor.
Ted: Yes, but my apartment is really close to the subway.
Stella: Ted, we're not moving, end of discussion.
Ted:How can it be end of discussion if there's never been a discussion?
Stella: This is part of being a parent. I can't just uproot Lucy.
Ted: People with kids move all the time. And I think it would be really great for Lucy to grow up in the greatest city in the world.
Stella: Here we go. New York's the greatest city in the whole wide world. It's where dreams come true and pigeon poop tastes like tapioca. Want to know a little secret, Ted? New Jersey is better than New York.
Ted: Better than? You think? I The Empire State Buil H and H Bage Lincoln Ce Zabar's Papaya King. New York is the intellectual and cultural hub of the planet.
Stella: New York is full of weirdoes, and snobs and mean people. Ted, do you know that once, an old lady actually called me a bitch and threw a cat in my face? And you want to know if that happened in New Jersey? Right in front of your beloved little Papaya King. People are nice in New Jersey. I mean it's the kind of place where you know your neighbors.
weirdo 変人 snob お高くとまった人 mean people 嫌な奴ら
Ted: Hey, I know my neighbors.
Stella: Oh, yeah? Like who?
Ted: Right across the hall, I got Clax pa mon
Lily: His name is Paxton.
Ted: Love that dude.
Robin: Sorry, in a hurry. Got to get to the front. Got to get off first.
Matisse: Don't run over Matisse.
Lily: Okay, so this is crazy. You can't actually think that New Jersey is better than New York. New York has Broadway. We win right there.
Barney: Oh, no, she did not. Knuckle up for safety.
Stella: We have Atlantic City.
Barney: Can't beat the A.C. Pretty please? No one has to know.
Ted: New York has Greenwich Village.
Stella: New Jersey has The Shore.
Lily: Woody Allen.
Barney: Oscar-winning chronicler of urban neuroses. Bump it!
Stella: Bruce Springsteen.
Stella: He's from Hoboken - New Jersey.
Ted: Yeah, but what city is he singing about? It's not "Secaucus, Secaucus."
Narator: Now you kids can either believe this or not, but this is how your Aunt Robin swears it happened.
Lily: Look, Stella, I understand that coming from New Jersey you don't picture yourself loving New York, but trust me, Marshall didn't expect to, and now he wouldn't think of living anywhere else.
Marshall: I hate New York! I'm sorry, but it's true. Okay, today I was walking around PriceCo. Have you ever been there? It's huge. All the stores in New York are so cramped. Every time I turn, I knock something over. I'm like some huge monster that came out of the ocean to destroy bodegas.
Lily:But, Marshall, you love New York.
Marshall: Yeah, I do, except that I hate it. I'm too big for New York, okay? I'm always trying to fit into cramped little subway seats or duck under doorways that were built 150 years ago. Hey, guess what? People are bigger now. Build bigger doorways.
Barney: What the hell is the matter with you? Small city, big man give it up.
Marshall: And it's so loud, all the time. Yes, it's the city that never sleeps. Well, guess what, I like to sleep. I've been tired for eight years. Tired and scared with black and blue marks on my elbows from trying to fit through all these tiny elf doorways. New Jersey's great. It's got huge stores, and lawns and you never have to carry a cup again. Not for the rest of your life. I'm not afraid to say it I love New Jersey. I'm just kidding.
Ted: Look, Stella I get it, okay? I see what you're saying. I guess we could live in Brooklyn.
Stella: You know what, Ted live wherever you want. I don't care.
Barney: Awkward silence. Tap it.
Ted: Hey, Lucy. What are you doing up?
Lucy: There was some loud noises in the basement.
Ted: Sorry about that. Why don't you got back to bed, sweetie.
Lucy: I can't go to sleep without a story.
Ted: Okay, I'll just get your mom...
Lucy: Why don't you read it to me?
Ted:Okay, come on.
Ted: I'm moving here.
Ted: Really. New Jersey wins.
Robin: Thank you! Wait. Good evening, New York.
Barney: Hey, look, she made it.
Robin: Our top story tonight the newborn panda at the Central Park Zoo got its first tooth today. I guess that makes her a molar bear. Molar bear. Molar bear. You know what? I really am done. Good night, New York.
Lily: She really quit.
Barney: You think we had anything to do with that?
Lily: Yeah, I think we did. Nice job, Barney.
Barney: Oh, my God! Thank you! That was killing my arm. My arm hasn't been this source since I was 13 years old and figured out how to lock a bathroom. Up top.
Lily: What's wrong?
Robin: Well, I officially didn't get that job.
Lily: I'm so sorry.
Robin: That's okay. They offered me another one.
Ted: Hey, that's great. What are you going to be doing?
Robin: Foreign correspondent. I'm, hum moving to Japan.