Narrator: Kids, there's more than one story of how I met your mother. You know the short version, the thing with your mom's yellow umbrella. But there's a bigger story. The story of how I became who I had to become before I could meet her. And that story begins here.
Barney:...Dary! Legendary! Dude, I am so excited that you're single again. We're going to conquer New York City. I already have a girl from work lined up for you. Right boob bigger than the left boob, which some choose to look at as bra half empty. I choose to look at as bra half full.
conquer 制圧する 乗り越える
Ted: I dont' know... Robin and I broke up two weeks ago. I'm... I'm not ready.
Barney: When will you be ready?
Narrator: It was a good question. After a big relationship ends, you need some time to recuperate. Robin took a trip to Argentina, and I went through my usual routine. I grew my breakup beard.
Barney: Ted Mosby, suit up, 'cause here's the plan. There's a Miss Nassau County pageant. We'll pretend to be judges and, yes, our votes are for sale.
Ted: I'm not ready.
Narrator: I repainted the apartment.
Barney: Finish line of a woman 10K. Salty girls on an endorphin high who just want to lie down. Yeah.
Ted: I'm not ready.
Narrator: And the truth is, I was doing really good.
Barney: Female acrobats from Montreal. Super flexible. We're going to get "Cirque de So-Laid". What up?
Ted: Barney, come on, we've covered this.
Robin: Hey, guys. I just got in last night. Um, uh, this is Gael.
Ted: Okay, I'm ready.
Ted: I just can't believe her. We have this totally amicable split, everything's cool. And she comes back from vacation with that guy? You know what she's doing? She's trying to win the breakup.
Lily: What do you mean "Win the breakup", old timey inventor.
old-timey 昔懐かしい inventor 発明家
Marshall: What our 21st president, Chester A. Arthur, is trying to say is that in every breakup there are winners and losers.
Lily: It's not a competition. Now, your 80-day ballon race around the world, that was a competition.
Marshall: That's my wife.
Barney: Of course it's a competition, Lil. How else do you explain... what's his name?
Ted: I'm sorry, Gayle?
Robin: It's pronounced "guy-el".
Gael: It's means "joyful". That is why I live my life by bringing joy, good energy and happiness to others. Especially those less fortunate that I.
Ted: I'm sorry. So it's Gayle?
Ted: What a jerk? I don't go to your stupid country and try to seduce woman with my sexy accent.
Barney: That's a great point, Persian nightclub owner.
Ted: And, oh, he is a masseuse.
Gael: With a massage everything is connected. I can touch your foot cleanse your kidney. I can touch your earlobe and slow your heartbeat.
Ted: One time I used warm water to make a guy pee. Of course, I didn't make a career out of it.
make a career out of 〜を生涯の仕事とする
Gael: Career? Such an American idea. My career is living. Windsurfing. Making love. Sometimes at the same time.
Barney: How? How would one do that exactly? Seriously, don't giggle. Tell me.
Barney: Not possible. You cannot have sex on a windsurfing board.
Lily: How do you know?
Barney: Glad you asked Lily. I have crafted a list of every vehicle land-based, aquatic and airborne in which/on which it's possible to have sex. And of those 33 vehicles, I have had sex in/on 31. Windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible. Oh, P.S., in order to hit 33, all I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule.
craft 〜を巧妙に作り上げる aquatic 水の airborne 空中を通る
Lily: To get that last one, you'd have to break into the Smithsonian.
Barney: This conversation never happened.
Ted: All right, you're suit up, I bearded down. Let's get out there and win this thing.
Ted: You guys, have fun of your duble date.
Lily: Oh, for the hundredth time, I'm sorry, there was a lull.
Gael: And then we fell asleep on the beach while counting the stars.
Lily: Do you want to have diner with me? Uh, us?
Marshall: There was no lull. You just think he's incredibly hot.
Lily: No, I don't!...Not incredibly. It's a little hard to believe how hot is he. But I mean, she isn't serious about him. The girl never marries the hot guy.
Marshall: Well, you did.
Lily: I'm one of the lucky few.
Marshall: Lily, Ted is our best friend, so let's get something straight. Male Gayle is not hot. He's not our friend. Don't even look at him. Just... no eye contact.
Narrator: So that night, as Lily and Marshall did their best to hate Gael...
Lily: Hey, Robin. Gael.
Narrator:...Robin pulled me aside to check in. Now, I'm sure, she meant the best, but she said the worst.
pull someone aside 〜を脇へ連れ出す
Robin: I just want to make sure you're okay with this.
Ted: "I just want to make sure you're okay with this"? Damn it! I can't believe she's the one that gest to say that. She's winning, isn't she?
Barney: Hum-hum. Not for long. Okay, pep talk. Take a knee. Ted, tonight, we're going to get you someone way hotter than Robin. Okay, Robin's a ten. Fine we'll get you a 12. Or, you know... two sixes. Failing that, four threes. And break glass in case of emergency we'll go the Staten Island, I'll get you 12 ones. Ted, my boy, I'm going to re-teach you... Ah.
Barney: Barney. Ted, we are back. Up here. Up high. Fivin' it up five-style!
Robin: I'm sorry this is all so weird.
Marshall: Weird? Why would it be weird? Because you used to date our best friend or because my wife thinks your new boyfriend is incredibly hot?
Lily: I do not! Shut up! Oh, my God!
Robin: I just hope Ted's okay.
Gael: I hate to see you so tense. I mean, we had a really clean break up, you know? We really acted like adults, so the last thing... Oh! Oh, God, oh!
Marshall: Gael, are you properly licensed massage therapist?
Marshall: Are you legally certified by some type of gouverning entity?
Gael: I train for three years at an institute in Buenos Aires. I have a card. I can show you.
Marshall: Is the card laminated?
Gael: What do you mean "laminated"?
Marshall: Covered in protective plastic.
Gael: Oh, yes.
Marshall: Damn it!