Hi.I came to apologize to all of you.I overreacted.
Well, we owe you an apology, too, Don.We said some pretty hurtful things.
No, you didn't.
Right, right, that was after you left.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth in the first place.
No, I acted like a total drama queen.That's not offensive, right?
Still not gay.Sorry.
So, look, the point is you both are clearly very important to Robin.So, why don't we all have dinner tomorrow night at my place?
Oh, that's great.
Looking forward to it, buddy.
You want to go?
See you guys.
I must have Robin back.
You're kidding, right?
No.I don't know what it is, but I want Robin back.
I know what it is.You're like a little kid who throws a toy away and then wants it back the second another kid starts playing with it.
Well, maybe I wasn't done playing with it.Maybe I just set it down 'cause I wanted to play with some other stuff for a second!
Ready for what?
To read the letter.
Kids, the letter was a device I'd invented to remind myself why I'd broken up with somebody.I'd been doing it for years.
Dear Future Ted, never get back with Karen because she's a pretentious snob.Oh, also, she cheated on you.I'm sorry you had to find out this way.See, we're already laughing about it.
pretentious 思い上がった snob 嫌な奴
Dear Future Ted, stay away from Natalie, or any girl who can pin you to the ground and beat you senseless in front of a cheering crowd.P.S.Please consult a therapist about why that turned you on a little bit.
senseless 意識を失った snob 嫌な奴
Dear Relationship Genius, Stella left you at the altar.You may never love again and will probably die alone.
Huh! It doesn't look so sad written in calligraphy.
So, when Barney and Robin broke up the previous fall
Dating Robin was a huge mistake.
Write that down.
Write yourself a letter.That way, when you miss Robin, and you will, you can remind yourself why you broke up.
Gladly.Dear Future Barney
This ink is cool.
You and Robin
Were a terrible couple.It just didn't work.Sure, you'll always love Robin, but remember other women? More importantly, remember other boobs? And all the cool stuff you can do with boobs? Nuzzle, juggle, honka-honka.I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic.Then there's just a bunch of drawings of boobs.
You get it now?
Yeah, I get it.I definitely want her back.
I don't think human beings were ever meant to sleep in the same bed.Somehow sex and sleep got all jumbled together, but they're two different things.
I know.I mean, I love you, but I want this new bed to be a sanctuary for sleep and sleep alone.
Me, too.And some light snacking, but that's it.Hey, you know what we should get? We should get a third bed just for sex.
Yes! A sex bed! A dirty, dirty sex bed!
It's genius.That way each bed would have a specific purpose.
Exactly.We'll have two sleep beds, a sex bed, and I'm thinking a bean bag chair, just for special birthday stuff.
Baby, did we just revolutionize modern marriage?
I hope you like sushi.
How cool is it that Don makes sushi? He learned while on assignment in Japan.
Barney, be nice.You only want her 'cause you can't have her.It's like if I said you can sit anywhere in this room except that chair.Are you so petty that
My chair! My chair!
Oh, spicy tuna with jalapeno! My favorite!
Mine, too.I love spicy food.The hotter the better.
I love spicy stuff, too, guy.Probably more than you do.Check it.
Super mild.I'm not feeling it.
Hey, Lily, you won't believe it, it's the craziest thing.Don has twin beds, too.
Oh, my God! We just got twin beds.
Oh, Oh.Great, great.
Well, wait, that great didn't sound so great.
Well, my ex-wife and I thought they'd be a good idea, but we just started to drift apart.
So Yeah, but I bet you didn't have another bed just for sex.
No, but she did at her personal trainer's house.
This chili is like an ice cube in my mouth.
I will say this, though.I'm gonna get a king-size bed if Robin decides to move in.
Oh, I'd like that.If I move in.
If you move in.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Tokyo Don, you ever do this back in Japan? Wasabi!
I wouldn't, Barney, no.
Oh, my God, Barney?
Awesome! Give him some milk!
Spit it out, Barney! Spit it out!
Oh, we're out of milk.But thanks for the reminder, Robin.
Well, I hope you're happy.
Hey, I stand by what I did.It was bold and romantic.
stand by 支持する bold 勇敢
You soiled yourself from both ends of your body.
Oh, come on! You have done tons of stupid stuff to impress Robin.
Yeah, I did, but I don't anymore, 'cause I'm over her.Just like you are.
You are not over her.You want her back just as much as I do.You just won't let yourself go there.
That is ridiculous.And I'll tell you why.
For my biographer?
Just Just focus on the letter, okay?
Dear Ted, Robin is the perfect girl for you.But she doesn't wanna be in a serious relationship.You need someone who wants to settle down, so until Robin's ready for that next step, she's not your girl.Still, I'll always remember stealing her the blue French horn, our first kiss, the look in her eye when she told me she loved me.
Damn it.Now I want her back.
So, that night, your Uncle Barney and I sat down to have a calm, rational discussion, about who deserved Robin more.
No! I stole her a blue French horn! I dated her for a year! I wanted her to be the mother of my children and spend eternity in her arms.
See, I wanna have sex with her at least one more time! She is mine!
She's not yours! And she's not mine, either.She's Don's.
You're right.We got to get rid of that guy.
You know, figuratively.
Or literally.Oh, my God, Ted, this is how it starts! This is how it starts! I'm scared, Teddy, I'm scared, Teddy!
Two guys talking.Just two guys talking.