Ted: So, I was thinking, after the wedding, you and Lucy, can move in here.
Stella: Yeah, she could play out on the fire escape, maybe make friends with that guy who sleeps on that couch in the alley, ride her bike up and down Broadway. It's a great idea, Ted.
Ted: I don't understand why you'd want to live in New Jersey when you have a chance to live in Manhattan? I thought having a rent-controlled apartment on the Upper West Side was half the reason she agreed to marry me.
Barney: Really, I thought it was the whole reason. What is up?!
Barney: Robin, hey. You're looking good. Bump the Barnacle.
Robin: Stella already told me not to.
Marshall: How was your first day?
Robin: It wasn't.
Robin: It wasn't my first day. I showed up and there were 20 other people. It turns out, I didn't actually get the job. I only got an audition.
Barney: What, how did that happen?
Robin: I don't know. Because he told me that I got it.
Robin: I got it? I got it!
Voice: And just to be clear, when I say you got it I mean an audition. You got an audition. I don't want there to be any confusion. You have an audition only. Not the job.
Robin: Thank you! Thank you!
Robin: Okay, I'm going to call and beg Joel to give me my job back.
Lily: You hated that job.
Robin: I don't know, it wasn't so bad.
Lily: Robin, what did they make you call Tropical Storm Hector when it was raining cats and dogs?
Robin: A furricane.
Marshall: Hey, Ted. Rock me like a furricane.
Robin: Okay, yeah, it's sucks, but what can I do? I mean, I'm not going to get that other job. You guys should have seen the other women at this audition. They all had more experience than me, were more ethnic than me. There was an African-American chick with blue eyes, how can I compete with that?
Barney: You can't.
Lily: No, you can compete with anyone. You're Robin Scherbatsky. Confident. Strong. Tall. With crazy long legs that look great in shorts.
Robin: I'm calling Joel.
Barney: But, no Robin, if you call him right now, you will hate yourself Look, I have slept with lots of women who afterwards told me off and stormed out. And sometimes they'd pick up the phone and they'd call me and then we'd hook up again. And when we were finished, I could see that look on their faces, that look that says they hate themselves and they wish they'd never called. But if you could see that look, actually, you can see that look, there's a video.
Robin: No! Stop, okay? I won't call.
Stella: Don't drink the beer! I just remembered when I bought it. It was right before I got pregnant with Lucy. Ted, would you mind running to PriceCo and picking some up? Oh, and while you're there, maybe you could sign up for a card. I mean, you'll probably end up going there all the time.
Barney: That's the look.
Ted: I don't think I have as big a problem holding cups as you do.
Marshall: Maybe New Jersey is not that bad. Stella has a lawn. You could get a riding lawn mower. They sell them over there. I saw one with a cup holder. I saw a recliner with a built-in cup holder. I even saw a hammock with a cup holder. You live in New Jersey, you never have to hold a cup again.
Ted: It asks me no problem holding a cup, unlike you. Stella...
Barney: I will give you $100 to fist pump me. $200.
Lily: Just put it down, Barney. Your arm must be killing you by now.
Marshall: Look, you'll be right across the river. You'll be in New York all the time.
Ted: Oh, yeah?
Ted: Excuse me. You guys are from New York, right?
Woman: Yeah, we moved here from Manhattan.
Ted: Do you ever get into the city?
Woman: All the time.
Marshall: See? All the time.
Ted: When was the last time you were there?
Man: We just had dinner at O'Rourke's.
Ted: That's been closed for six years.
Woman: It has been awhile. Funny, we don't miss it.
Man: Well, I guess we're New Jersians now. Honey, look, dog shirts.
Ted: I can't do it. I'm just going to tell Stella she and Lucy have to move into the city and that's that.
Marshall: Okay, what do you guys think? Beagle or Boston terrier?
Lily: Are those tears?
Barney: They're awesome manly pain tears. They're not emotional. Okay, they're a little bit emotional.
Lily: Where's Robin?
Robin: Hey, Shirley, it's Robin calling for Joel.
Barney: Robin, hang up the phone. Don't do this.
Robin: Sorry, I know, okay?
Lily: If you don't hang up right now.
Robin: Stop! Hey, Joel, it's Robin.
Joel: So Madam Butterfly wants to come back to the cocoon.
Robin: Yeah, look, I'm sorry I said all that stuff.
Joel: Well, you can stick your sorries in your sock drawer, 'cause you've already been replaced. I've got Brian in make up and he couldn't be more excited.
Biran: I can't do this. I can't do this.
Joel: Okay, look, as much as I want to see college boy here wet himself on camera, if you can get here in time to read the 11:00 news, you can have your old job back.
Robin: Okay, I have a half hour to make it to the studio.
Lily: There's no way you can make it to the city in a half hour.
Barney: Robin, don't do this. I know it's scary to bet on yourself, but if you don't, nobody else will. And I'm not just saying that to get a fist bump. Although, come on, a fist bump would be great. But I really mean it.
Robin: I am betting on myself. I am betting that I can make it there by 11 o'clock.