Narator: It took me a while to figure out but the key to understanding your Uncle Barney is this.When times are hard, it's impossible to keep him around.Like when your aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were broken up.
it'll take me a while までしばらく時間がかかる
Barney: Hey.What are you guys talking about?
Barney: I got to go.
Narator: But when times are good, it's impossible to get rid of him.
Barney: What are you guys doing?
Ted: We just finished planning Marshall's bachelor party.
Barney: Good, you haven't started yet.Let's talk logistics.Now, have you laid out ground rules with Lily?Where you are or aren't allowed to touch or be touched?Show me on Ted.
lay out 明らかにする logistics 事業の計画
Ted: Actually, we're, uh, we're thinking of skipping the strippers.
Barney: You... you want to have a party without strippers.
Narator: This was the worse thing I could have said.You see, uncle Barney loved cooking up bachelor parties.And it was always the same recipe.You start with a slightly cramped hotel suite.Arrange the chairs in a circle... Fill them with your closest friends.Turn the heat up to about 90.Pump in a metric ton of cigar smoke.And then, right in the middle of the room, you throw in a girl.But not a beautiful girl ? no, if this girl was ever beautiful, it was two kids, three tattoos and one pesky substance abuse problem ago.
cramped 狭苦しい metric メートル pesky 迷惑な substance 物質 abuse 中毒
Stripper: Which one of you is Stuart?
Stuart: Please, I really don't want to do this.
Stripper: Shut up, put in your mouth guard.
Narator: Then she proceeds to do things that demean the groom, herself and really, the entire human race.
demean 品位を落す groom 花婿 human race 人類
Marshall: Ah, horrifying.
Stuart: Oh, please, please, no, no.
Marshall: I don't want anything like that happening to me.Stuart's still trying to forget that night.It's my bachelor party.We're not having strippers.
Barney: Oh, he thinks he has a say in it.So, strippers it is!Now, just, uh, tell me where we're going to be and I'll make some calls.I think I can get the fourth one for free.Quick question.Prosthetic arm.Deal breaker?
Prosthetic arm 義肢
Ted: Barney, there is...
Barney: Before you say no, it has attachments.
Ted: Look, I know you have some stuff planned for Marshall's bachelor party, but he really doesn't want strippers.
Barney: Yes, he does.
Ted: Uh, well, he told me he doesn't.
Barney: Uh, well, he told me he does.
Barney: Every minute of every day as his inner animal thrashes against the cage of his own puritanical upbringing.Or do you guys not like naked girls.
thrash 打ち負かす puritanical 禁欲的な upbringing しつけ
Ted: Um, we love naked girls.They're one of the best things in the world.It goes... naked girls, democracy, the scene in Every Which Way But Loose where the monkey gives a guy the finger.We just don't like your naked girls.
Barney: What, my girls aren't hot enough?I mean, all right, fine, the stripper at Stuart's bachelor party was a 15.
Ted: She was 15?
Barney: No, a 15.Like in blackjack.
Ted: As in, not sure whether you'd hit it?
Ted: Nice.This is important to Marshall.So, promise me, no strippers.
Barney:All right, I promise.
Ted: I'm serious.
Barney: So am I.No strippers.
Ted: Now say it without winking.
Barney: No strippers.
Ted: You just winked.
Barney: No I didn't.
Narator: So, when the day arrived, we all climbed into a rented Escalade and set out.Now, every bachelor party is usually made up of the same stock characters.You've got the groom… the best man... the guy who speaks only in cliches...
Stuart: Dead man walking!
Narator: The guy who disappears at the beginning of the night and doesn't show up again until the end.
Brad: All right, who's up for a little blackjack before we check in.
All: No, no, no.
Brad: See you guys back at the room, then.
Narator: And, of course, well... Barney.Every bachelor party has a Barney.
Barney: Oh, what's this?This car has a DVD player?You mean, we could have been watching these pornos the whole time?
Barney: This one's in HD.This one's in H-double-D.Oh!
Narator: That same night, aunt Lily was having a wedding shower.And Robin showed up gift in hand.Funny story about that gift.
Robin: Hey, Barney, check out what I got Lily for her shower.It's kind of racy.Think you can handle it?
Barney: Uh, I've been in a ten-way.So, yeah.
Robin: It's kind of see-through.
Barney: Whoa, ho ho!You weren't kidding!You know when you should give that to her 1850.Robin, it's her bridal shower!All her friends are gonna be there, they're going to be drinking.You need to get her something daring, something outrageous.
daring 大胆不敵 outrageous インパクトの強い
Robin: Well, what do you think I should get her?
Barney: There's a store on Eighth Avenue that specializes in ? how to put this delicately?uh, battery-powered, adult-recreational fake penises.
Narator: And so Aunt Robin went to a store on Eighth Avenue, and a battery powered, adult-recreational... Well, it was something inappropriate.And we're back in.
Lily: Robin!I'm so glad you're here.Come in, I want you to meet everybody.Robin, this is my Grandma Lois and my Aunt Florence.
Aunt Florence: Oh, lovely to meet you, dear.
Lily: They put this whole party together.
Robin: It's different from what I expected, but lovely.Lovely.And oh, look, there are little kids here!
Lily: Yeah, my cousins.
Robin: Listen, I, uh, I forgot something somewhere so I'm going to just go...
Lily: Robin, this is my mom, Janice.
Janice: Oh, honey.I'm so glad to finally meet you.
Robin: Me too.I, I've heard so much about you.
Janice: Me, too.Oh, here.Let me take your gift.Can I guess what it is?Is it a, a, a mini food processor?
Janice: No?Oh.Oh, give me a hint.What color is it?
Janice: Well, I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see!
Robin: Oh, great.
Lily: Robin... this is my Cousin Margaret.
Robin: Oh, finally, someone our own age!
Lily: Wait, do I introduce you as "Cousin Margaret" or "Sister Margaret?"
Margaret: Well, I'm not officially confirmed as a nun until next month and I don't want to tick off the Big Guy, so let's stick with "Cousin" for now.
tick off をイライラさせる
Robin: God's watching.Excellent!