ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"You take that back, sir!"

ƒoƒ`ƒFƒƒp[ƒeƒB[

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“8yŒ´‘čzThe Bro Mitzvah

Kids, this is the story of the night Barney's life completely fell apart.

My life is finally perfect, and that is never going to change. Fired up for dinner with my mom tonight?

Yeah. To help streamline the rest of our lives, you can always assume my answer to that question is no.

streamline ŠČ‘f‰ť‚ˇ‚é

W...

I'm pretty nervous.

Nervous? Why? It's just gonna be two hours of I love Barney the most. No, I love Barney the most.

You're right. I may not even get a chance to talk. But I'm still-- I-I don't know. I'm worried she won't think I'm good enough to be engaged to her precious little Love-Love.

Okay, first of all, it's Wuv-Wuv. And second, don't worry. I'm just gonna drop off our catering deposit, and then I will be there for you.

Mm. Okay, well, please don't be late. I am counting on you tonight. And be careful-- that's 5,000 bucks in there.

Uh, I think I'll be okay walking four blocks here on the Upper East Side.

Please, I swear I never talked to the North Koreans! Unless you are the North Koreans, in which case I never talked to the South Koreans!

Barney Stinson, you are being kidnapped.

For your surprise bachelor party!

A kidnapping. Respect. I was secretly worried you might not be able to pull off my bachelor party.

Yeah, it wasn't that secret.

You two? Planning my bachelor party? Look, you seem like nice kids. But this is a sacred event, a man's rite of passage with his bros. His... bro mitzvah!

rite of passage ’ʉߋV—ç

You didn't just think of that. You've been saying it for months every...

But here's my dilemma: my average night is like an average guy's bachelor party. So, no offense, but if you two plan it, it's gonna be ordi-- why wait for it?-- nary. Ordinary.

dilemma ƒWƒŒƒ“ƒ}

I can help.

You? Look, you seem like a nice kid, but bros' fiances cannot plan bachelor parties. Sorry. You two are on your own. And you will disappoint me. But make it great, okay?

But this is a strong start. The students have become... the intermediate students. I just have to make one call.

Hello.

Robin, great news! I've been kidnapped for a surprise bachelor party so I won't be there at all!

What?

Barney, I-I can't do dinner with your mom alone.

Okay, I'll call her, make up an excuse and cancel. And don't worry, I'll take all the blame. Hold on.

Hi, Wuv-Wuv.

Hi, Momsies.

I forgot, I'm mentoring an underprivileged child tonight, and Robin can't stand the idea of dinner with you by herself, so we're not gonna be able to...

underprivileged Œb‚Ü‚ę‚Č‚˘lX stand —LŒř‚Ĺ‚ ‚é

Don't bother. She's already here.

Hold on.

Robin? Too late. She's already there.

Barney, don't...

Robin can't stand the idea of dinner with me?

Great! We're all set then.

Don't you leave me alone with her. I told you...

That problem is solved.

So what's the plan?

Well, you know the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City?

Yeah.

You know the secret penthouse in the top of the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City?

Yeah!

Boom! There it is. Visible from our window. In the distance. Behind the refinery. Okay, you can't quite see it.

refinery ť–űŠ

Why are we outside Atlantic City?

Well, we thought it was best, what with your weakness for games of chance.

Kids, Barney was addicted to one Chinese gambling game that was, well, sort of complicated.

But don't worry.

Back when you were engaged to Quinn, you told us everything you wanted for tonight.

A bachelor party is a man's... bro mitzvah!

Did you just think of that?

Totally! We can wear... bro-mulkes... spin the bro-del... and consult the wisdom of the Bro-rah. Written in... He-bro.

Not at all bro-ffensive.

Ooh, ooh! Couple other ideas-- and I'm just spitballing here-- so take 'em or leave 'em. Booze, duh; cigars, duh; strippers, duh...

Ooh! Things should get so crazy that at some point we should fear for our lives. Oh, we'll fear for our lives, all right. When we watch Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth!

Yeah. We're gonna pound a beer every time we hear the word catastrophic Oh!

Could that be... the next item on your list?

Mind-blowing entertainment, like a naked fire show or a naked magic show.

There's a good chance our engagement doesn't work out, isn't there?

Not now, honey. Or a naked contortionist!

contortionist ‹ČŒ|Žt

Or... a balloon contortionist!

Balloons. Not the inflatable, round, squishy pouches I was hoping to see tonight. Hold on.

inflatable ‹ó‹C’“üŽŽ‚Ě squishy ‚Ž‚É‚á‚Ž‚ɂႡ‚é pouches –Ú‚Ě‚˝‚é‚Ý

I told you no clown.

Well, you didn't like the bubble guy either.

Hey, Robin.

Did you tell your mother I'm a virgin?

What? Why would you think that?

Save yourself room for dessert. And I hear you excel at saving yourself.

excel —D‚ę‚Ä‚˘‚é

You are so funny. What's gotten into you? Oh, that's right-- nothing ever.

You may be nervous as to what goes where on your wedding night. It's really simple. Let me show you. Let's start with the fundamentals.

Why would you tell her I'm a virgin?

I panicked. Look, I really want her to like you, so just go with it, okay? Okay!

Listen, Wuv-Wuv, you better get your ass back...

Another guest? Who could this be? Why, it's Lily! And she's here to deliver one of your requests!

Oh, thank you, Marshall.

Oh, not that one.

An appearance by my all-time idol, the Karate Kid!

The Karate Kid was an uplifting '80s classic about a teen, played by Ralph Macchio, who defeats the local jerk, played by William Zabka. At least, that's how most people saw it.

uplifting —ă‚Ý‚É‚Č‚é

Here he is, just as hot as when his Tiger Beat photo spread gave a young girl the courage to explore the suddenly unfamiliar topography of her changing body... the Karate Kid!

Hey, Barney. It's Ralph. Listen, it's always flattering...

No! I hate Ralph Macchio! I hate him, hate him, hate him! He is not the Karate Kid! The Karate Kid was William Zabka, star pupil of the Cobra Kai Dojo, who this monster defeated with a cheap, illegal head-kick in the most tragically haunting film ending of all time.

Oh, see, I thought you meant fun-crazy.

Shut it, Ralph Macchio. Why don't you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine! This night has been catastrophic.

Catastrophic! Everybody pound.

Sorry, bro. I'm staying. If this is anything like my bachelor party-- strippers, booze, definitely no hand stuff-- wink-wink-- it is gonna be in-- wait for it-- credible. Incredible!

Wow. You guys are actually a lot alike.

You take that back, sir! I am nothing like Ralph Macchio! I mean, did you guys even get a stripper?

Bro. Bro. Of course we got a stripper.

Do we look like the kind of dweebs who wouldn't get a stripper?

dweeb ƒ}ƒWƒ‚­‚ń

And as the saying goes, what happens in the sensibly-priced business hotel outside Atlantic City stays in the sensibly-priced business hotel outside Atlantic City.

Who is it?

Police. We got a noise complaint from... Oh, who am I kidding? I can tell it's dead in there. I'm the stripper!

Barney?

Quinn?

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