ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Wow, that's I guess if we're splitting hairs,"

‰R

ŠCŠOƒhƒ‰ƒ}‚ʼnpŒęƒŠƒXƒjƒ“ƒOŠwK’†

How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“7yŒ´‘čzThe Naked Truth

Let me make one thing very clear to you.I don't date guys who lie to me.

Well, see, I did not know that.My bad.So, from here on in, no more lies.I will never lie to you again.I'm serious.Ask me anything.

Okay.Have you ever successfully gotten a woman in bed by lying to her?

Have I ever If I'm being totally honest Yes.

More than once?

More than once Wow, that's I guess if we're splitting hairs, then, technically there was a plurality to the times I've lied to women for sex having purposes.

split hairs –ł—p‚Č‹ć•Ę—§‚Ä‚ˇ‚é plurality ‘˝”

What were they?

Nines and tens mostly.There was a four once.She was a slump buster.But, Nora, after that, I had a run that you would not believe.Man, honesty feels good.

What were the lies?

You want me to tell you every lie I've ever told a woman to get her into bed?

A bed or any other place you had sex with her.

Oh, you're good.

Pete, Pete.

Hey.Beercules! Bring it in, dude.

Hey, I've been trying to call you, like, all night.

Oh, my God, sorry.I would have answered, but it is Tuesday night.

It's Sunday.

And you know what that means."Edward Forty Hands."

Kids, "Edward Forty Hands" is a game that involves taping two 40-ounce bottles of malt liquor to your hands.The object is to finish both bottle-Oh, my God, why am I telling you this? Let's move on.

Okay, you know that old video of me streaking?

I watch it every day.

Well, I need you to take it down off the Internet.Like, right now.

There are two ways that can happen.One, you can give me $4 million, or you can help me go to the bathroom, because I I can't

Yeah, those are two non-negotiable no's.

Well, I'm sorry we could not do business together.But if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of a game of "Edward Forty Hands," and the competition is fierce.

fierce ‹Ľ–\‚Č

Who are you playing with, anyway?

Just myself.

Meanwhile, Barney continued listing every lie he'd ever told to get laid.

There's no time to explain how I got bit there.I just need someone to suck the poison out.

The surgeons gave me a new face, honey.Aren't you relieved I'm alive?

Me llamo David Beckham.

If I were only casting The White Swan the role would be yours.

No, I am a lesbian.This thing that I'm wearing is just really lifelike.

Okay, let's skip ahead.What's the worst one? The lowest of the low? The creme de la creepy?

Uh Oh, I once pulled The Soul Man.There was this beautiful girl who only dated black guys

Barnell! Ooh, I knew it!

I can't decide.They're both awesome.

If only architects had two balls, right, Ted?

I got this.Ted, left or right?

Yes, yes, great idea.Let the fates decide, huh? I will pick left.

Just call one of 'em.

Ugh!

Ted, deep in your heart, you know that you kind of like one more than the other.Trust me-take the other.

Um, maybe I haven't been clear: this is the Architects' Ball, Robin.It's a star-studded event.

Okay, name one celebrity who's gonna be there.

Uh Lenny Kravitz.

Lenny Kravitz is gonna be there?

Yeah.He's there every year.And that guy's a rock star.

You know, Ted, I've been thinking-it's too soon to narrow it down between these two girls.Just take a friend.Like I I don't know, maybe, uh, a friend who had a poster of Lenny Kravitz on her wall, and may or may not have, perhaps, dated that poster, on and off, throughout high school.

This pros and cons list isn't cutting it.I need a color chart.

Color chart!

Color chart!

And, kids, we all really chanted.

Pete, please.I'm unemployed.I have a huge mortgage.I have a baby on the way.And now, I'm about to lose a job I really need because of a 15-year-old prank!

prank ˆŤ‚Ó‚´‚Ż

Ugh! Do you hear yourself? Beercules, what happened? You're like a different person.The guy in that video was awesome.He had potential.He could have been president of the frat one day.

There was no frat!

Now he's just a bummer.

bummer ‘Ó‚ŻŽŇ

It's not like I want to be a bummer.I just I have to be.I'm gonna be a dad.You'll have kids someday.You'll understand.

Dude, I have four kids.

Pete, please take the video down.

All right, Beercules, I'll take the video down.If you can best me in a game of my own choosing.

best ‚â‚Á‚‚Ż‚é

Oh, no

And I select the beautiful game, the sweet science

Pete, please, I'm so hungover

the sport of kings

I don't want to play "Edward Forty Hands."

I was gonna say darts-but "Edward Forty Hands" it is!

And that concludes all the space-related lies.Let's move on to the world of sports.Oh, wait, sorry-I just thought of another space one."I've been bitten by a moon snake.You need to suck all the space poison out of my--"

conclude `‚ĆŒ‹˜_‚đo‚ˇ

Okay, Barney, uh, I have to be at work tomorrow at 8:00, which means I have just about enough time to sit in a shower for 11 hours, hugging myself.

So this was fun.Can I call you, or?

Barney, you're funny, handsome and really quite clever.But you're also a sociopath.

sociopath ”˝ŽĐ‰ď“IlŠÔ

Well, I count three pros and one con, so

How do you still think you have a chance with me?

Because you sat here all night.You could've left right away, but you didn't.Look, Nora, all those lies-that's the old me.But I swear to you, I am trying to change.You make me want to change.

How do I know that's not a lie?

I'll prove it.I will prove how serious I am.I will not leave this diner until I get a second date with you.

Good-bye, Barney.

I'm not kidding.This is a 24-hour diner.I'll stay here forever, if I have to-and I will! Just water for me.Thanks.

ô‘ó ‰^–˝

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