ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"You've still got it."

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ŠCŠOƒhƒ‰ƒ}‚ʼnpŒęƒŠƒXƒjƒ“ƒOŠwK’†

How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“6yŒ´‘čzArchitect of Destruction

Narator: Kids, in the fall of 2010, I was designing the new headquarters for Goliath National Bank, which meant working side by side with your Uncle Barney.

Ted: I love your idea about a giant rooftop ring of fire you can jump through with a motorcycle, but I tweaked it slightly and... This is still super bad-ass. It's now a patio garden where you can bring a nice bag lunch.

tweak ”÷’˛Ž‚ˇ‚é bag lunch •Ů“– patio ƒeƒ‰ƒX

Barney: Sick. Yeah. Dude. Working together is gonna be legen... Wait for it. I'll send you an inter-office memo with the rest 'cause we freakin' work together!

Sick ”ńí‚É—Ç‚˘

Narator: Everything was going great. That is, right up until Barney said...

right up until ’ź‘O‚Ü‚Ĺ

Barney: Oh, big news. The board finally settled on a site for the building.

board Žć’÷–đ‰ď settle on Œˆ‚ß‚é

Narator: It was the site of The Arcadian, one of New York's grandest old hotels. In its heyday, it was the New York home to kings and queens. But lately... mostly just queens.

heyday ‘SˇŠú home to `‚̏ŠÝ’n

Transvestite: Hi, handsome. Lookin' for a date?

Ted: Uh, no, thank you. Still got it.

You've still got it. ‚Ü‚ž‚Ü‚žƒ‚ƒe‚é‚Ë

Ted: Barney, we have to talk.

Barney: Sure. What's up?

Barney's Secretary: Excuse me, Mr. Stinson.

Barney: Not now, Trish!

Barney's Secretary: But there's an urgent memo for Mr. Mosby.

Ted: "Dary."

Barney: Legendary! So, what's on your mind?

Ted: I can't design the building.

Marshall: Oh, yeah.

Lily: Oh, baby. No, no. Not the slipper socks with the rubber soles. I work so hard to-to set the mood, and-and when I see those, I feel the egg go right back up my Fallopian tube.

Marshall: Baby, these satin sheets are slippery. Papa needs traction.

satin ƒTƒeƒ“ slippery ‚ć‚­ŠŠ‚é

Lily: Traction?

Marshall: As you know, Papa likes to get down with enthusiasm.

Lily: Please stop calling yourself "Papa."

Marshall: And without traction, Papa's likely to boogie himself right out of bed. It's either these or soccer cleats.

cleat ƒXƒpƒCƒN

Lily: Hey, so I talked to Robin. I guess she and Max hooked up last night.

Narator: Kids, as you may remember, Max was a friend of Marshall's from law school... with whom Robin was really starting to hit it off.

hit it off ˆÓ‹C“Š‡‚ˇ‚é

Marshall: Nice! I love that guy. Max is both his name and his level of awesomeness.

Lily: Yeah. He's a sweet guy. She feels really comfortable with him. They bonded over hockey. I guess he has a small penis, but they want to double-date next weekend.

Marshall: Why would you tell me that?

Lily: So you'll clear your schedule.

Marshall: No! The other part!

Lily: Oh, the small penis thing?

Marshall: Ah! Don't! Stop saying that! Why do you keep saying that? You... I don't want to know that. I'm not going to be able to look the guy in the eye. I'm certainly not going to be able to call him "Max."

Lily: That's insane. I mean, just because you know Max has a small penis...

Marshall: Just don't!

Barney: You're kidding me.

Ted: I'm sorry. I can't do this if it means tearing down The Arcadian. It's an architectural landmark. Plus, people live there. How does GNB plan to get hundreds of residents to just up and leave?

tear down ‰ó‚ˇ

Barney: Snakes.

Ted: Did you just say "snakes"?

Barney: I don't recall saying "snakes". Ted, I know you love crappy old stuff no one cares about. But I'm gonna give you four words to live by: New is always better.

Ted: New is always better?

Barney: You know who's a million times hotter than the hottest girl I've ever slept with? Her okay-looking friend I haven't seen naked. Why? Because new is always better.

Ted: Mm-hmm? And this theory applies to everything?

Barney: Everything.

Ted: So, those new Star Wars movies... Those are better than the old ones?

Barney: Yeah. The first three barely mention the intricacies of intergalactic trade law.

intricacy •ĄŽG‚ł intergalactic ‹â‰ÍŒnŠÔ‚Ě

Ted: And when you're at a Guns n' Roses concert, you're like, "Yeah, yeah, Paradise City, whatever. When are they gonna rock me some Chinese Democracy"?

Barney: Axl's really matured as a songwriter, Ted.

mature Ź’ˇ‚ˇ‚é

Ted: Wendy! I'd like to buy my friend a drink. What's your oldest Scotch?

Wendy: Glenmckenna, aged 30 years in oak casks.Amazing.

Ted: And what's your newest scotch?

Wendy: Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch. Don't let it touch your skin.

Ted: Your call, buddy.

Barney: A glass of the J-Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch sounds lovely. Lots of ice. New is always better, Ted! That's a rule. Just like bigger is always better!

Marshall: Pff. That's not true. Uh, sometimes smaller is better. "Hey, look how big my cell phone is!" You don't hear people say that. No. You want something compact and efficient that fits comfortably in your pocket, and I think Max is just a great guy.

efficient —L”\‚Č

Robin: Lily told you.

Ted: Told him what?

Lily: Max has a small penis.

Barney: How can you speak of such things?

Robin: Girls talk about everything.

Lily: Size, shape, left or right leaning orientation...

Robin: Length, resemblance to a historical figure, such as Winston Churchill... Yes, that's one of you. Girth, grooming...

resemblance —ŢŽ—“_ Girth ‘ž‚ł grooming g‚Ă‚­‚낢

Barney: How can you speak of such things?

Lily: You're kidding. Barney, every time I mention a woman you don't know, the first thing you say is, "Boobs?" Not the complete sentence, "Does she have big boobs?" Which also would not be great.Just: "Boobs?"

Barney: I do not do that.

Lily: My friend Lori from work...

Barney: Boobs? Damn it. But... seriously. Boobs?

Lily: So why is it okay for guys to talk about boobs, but the moment we bring up a topic like Max's small penis...

Barney: I'm gonna pretend this conversation never happened.

Marshall: Impossible. Max's penis is stuck in my brain like a splinter. Like a splinter-sized splinter.

Barney: Speaking of disappointing weenies... Ted, tell them what you told me.

Ted: I want to ask the board at GNB to move the site for the new headquarters so we don't have to tear down a classic old building.

Barney: I still don't get this. Why, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, do you want to ruin... Wait a minute. Who's the girl?

Robin: Duh.

Marshall: Of course there's a girl.

Ted: What? I... There's no g-girl. Why would you even... Her name is Zoey.

Barney: Boobs?

Woman: Beautiful building, right?

Ted: Look, mister, you are very convincing, and I am very flattered. Confused, even. But I'm not looking...

Woman: I'm not a drag queen. But you definitely have me rethinking this eye shadow.

Ted: Not only is she funny, hot and genetically female, but get this...

Woman: Look at the Palladian windows, the rusticated stonework, the marble cornices...

Ted: She's an architecture nerd! A hot architecture nerd! That's the dream!

nerd ‚¨‚˝‚­

Barney: Whose dream?

Ted: We wound up talking for hours.

wind up Œ‹‹Ç`‚É‚Č‚é

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