ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Betty has a slight tendency to go off-book."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“4yŒ´‘čzThe Stinsons

Barney, Check it: Three blonde babies drinking bad decision juice at 8:00.

Nice rack radar. That's my wife.

rack ‚¨‚Á‚Ď‚˘

No, I got to get going.

Seriously? But they're blonde and drunk.Isn't that your type?

Maybe I don't have a type, Lily.God, do you think the male mind is really that simplistic, that we all have one favorite type? Geez.Asian with some boob.I'm gonna hit the bathroom, then bail.

Okay, have you guys noticed Barney's been acting weird lately?

Actually, yes.You know how he always says never buy a girl flowers, 'cause giving her a living thing reminds her babies?

Sure.

Well, the other day, I saw him at that flower shop on 82nd buying roses.

What?

Now that you mention it, Barney did do something kind of odd at the office yesterday.

Okay, see you Saturday.I'm thinking brunch, farmer's market, maybe a hike.I love you, too.Bye.

I figured he was just talking to some girl he was trying to nail.Or Ted, but now I don't know.

Wait, do you think it's possible that Barney Stinson has a girlfriend?

Later.

Wait, Barney, hold on.Where are you going?

Nowhere.The beach.It's winter.Lazer Tag.Home.Shut up.You're going somewhere.

Oh, my God.He's meeting her right now.

Where is Barney going?

Yeah.We're not even in Manhattan anymore.Where's this girl live?

We're talking about a woman who's gotten Barney Stinson to commit.I'm guessing Narnia.

He's stopping.

What are you guys doing here?

Where is she?

Who?

Your girlfriend.

Oh, hello.

You really don't have a type, do you?

These are my friends.Ted, Marshall, Lilly, Robin. Guys, this is Loretta.My mom.

It's so nice to meet you.I feel like I already know you all.Barney goes on and on about you every day when we talk.

You call your mom every day?

No. Mom!

So that's what you were being all secretive about? You didn't want us to know you're a big old mama's boy.

Yep, you got me.Well, guess you guys can leave.

Oh, hello.

Hi.

Barney, Who are all these people?

Ted, Marshall, Lilly, Robin. I'd like you to meet Betty my wife.And my son Tyler.

Betty and I are gonna get dinner ready.There'll be plenty for everyone.

But remember you, only one helping of meatloaf after what Dr.Grossbard said about your cholesterol.

This one wants me to live forever.

Guilty.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I love you three!

Get out of here, you little scamp!

scamp ‚˘‚˝‚¸‚珬‘m

So, I'll see you guys back at the bar?

What the hell, Barney?

OK, it's a long story.As you know, my father had to leave my mom when I was a baby because he got hired as the host of The Price is Right.

It was a very good show.

Bob Barker is your father.

She had to raise my brother and me by herself.And her only wish was for her sons not to wind up alone, like she was.Then about seven years ago, she got really sick.It looked like she wasn't going to make it.So, I decided to make her wish come true.

Mom.This is Betty.We're engaged.

I hired an actress to play my fiance "Betty".Her real name's Margaret.She mostly does off-Broadway theater.Wonderful actress.This close to a Tony.It's all who you know.It's very political.I shouldn't get into it.But there's one problem.Betty has a slight tendency to go off-book.

tendency ŒXŒü off-book ’ •ëŠO

You see, Mom? I found someone who makes me happy.Just like you wanted.

That's wonderful.I just wish I could've stuck around long enough for grandchildren.

I'm pregnant!

And then my mom got better.Which was miraculous.But it meant that I had to keep "Betty" around and cast a kid to play my son Tyler.

This is crazy.You actually cast your own son?

For a while, I got by borrowing/babysitting my neighbor's baby.And this one Christmas, when my mom was plowed on eggnog, I got away with a bag of flour and a Chuckie mask.But eventually, I had to hold auditions.

plow Žć‚čŠ|‚Š‚é eggnog ƒGƒbƒOƒmƒbƒO get away with Ž‚ż“Ś‚°‚ˇ‚é

Four, eight The rest of you may go.

You said that if I slept with you, my son would get the part.

Apparently, I'm a better actor than your kid.Bring in the 11:00's!

And that's how the role of Tyler eventually went to Grant.

Come on, Grant seems pretty good.

You think so? Watch this.Hey, Tyler.Grant.

Yeah?

See? It's like amateur hour over here.Call me crazy, but child actors were way better back in the'80s.

It looks like your mom kept your childhood bedroom just the way you left it.

That sure is a big poster of The Karate Kid above your bed.

Karate Kid's a great movie.It's the story of a hopeful young karate enthusiast whose dreams and moxie take him all the way to the All Valley Karate Championship.Of course, sadly, he loses in the final round to that nerd kid.But he learns an important lesson about gracefully accepting defeat.

enthusiast ”MS‚Č moxie —E‹C defeat •‰‚Š‚ˇ

Wait.When you watch The Karate Kid, you actually root for that mean blond boy?

root for ‰ž‰‡‚ˇ‚é

No, I root for the scrawny loser from New Jersey who barely even knows karate.When I watch The Karate Kid, I root for the karate kid: Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai dojo.Get your head out of your ass, Lily.

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