I can't believe Metro News One is just forwarding you all this fan mail now.
I know.I quit like four months ago.
Wow, you had more fans than I thought.
And only about 60% of them are prison inmates.
What are these guy thinking? I am way past my "dating prisoners" phase.It's like, hello, I'm not 19 anymore.
Uh, uh, Lottery Girl's on.
I just feel sorry for these women.This is where broadcast careers go to die.
Check it out.I make it fun.I invented a little game.
Tonight's Lotto numbers are nineteen.
Age you moved to New York after a photographer "discovered" you at a food court and said he'd get you in Vogue magazine.
Number of semi-nude pictures he took you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue magazine.
Age you claim you are.
Age you actually are.
Number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, out of your dress, and into my Jacuzzi.
And tonight's Super Big Ball is
What happens after get out of the Jacuzzi.
Kids, by the winter of 2009, Robin had been unemployed for months.But there was a glimmer of hope.
How'd the audition go?
Well, I went in there feeling really good.I heard it was just me up against two other girls.
Robin Scherbatsky.And you are?
You've obviously never spent any time in Denver.Rochelle Harper, News Center 12.We were only the number-one station in the Rockies for five straight years.
I was an anchor here in town at Metro News One.
Ooh, an anchor.You must have a killer signoff phrase.
You gotta have a killer signoff phrase.Like Walter Cronkite: And that's the way it is.
that's the way it is そういうものだ、それが現実だ
So what's yours?
Well, I would just always end with a simple From all of us here at Metro News One, have a good evening.
Mine is: "From all of us here at Barney's apartment, get out.
You didn't let those reporter bitches psych you out, did you?
and the President's economic team is hoping to have a proposal before Congress by the end of the month.From all of us here at News Ten, have a good evening.So, good night, New York.And may the road ahead be lit with dreams and tomorrows.Which are lit with dreams also.
proposal 提案 Congress 提案 light 照らす
That's terrible.And bad also.
I wasn't done.
Stand tall, New York.Trustworthy.Recycling.Wear a condom.
Wear a condom?
I'm not gonna be the new Channel Ten anchor, am I?
This just in.No.
Maybe the problem is your resume.See how mine is lean and mean? Yours is too cluttered.
Oh, like everything on your resume is so relevant? "Program Director,88.1 Wesleyan University Radio?"
Dr.X? You're still bragging about Dr.X?
Who was Dr.X?
Nobody knows.He was this genius mystery D.J.
It was Ted.
His identity remains a secret to this day.
It was Ted.
But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio.
It was Ted.
And your show sucked.
Dr.X here, shooting truth bullets at you from an undisclosed location.Because if they knew where I was, they'd shut me down.
You're on the third floor of the Student Center next to the game room, you tool.
I've been getting a lot of letters about my segment on how racist the school's meal plan is.
How are you getting letters if no one knows where you are, douche?
That's why I'm organizing a happening outside the dining hall, Monday at midnight.It's high time the Food Service puppet masters took ignorance and injustice off the menu.
Hey, Ted, we need a fourth for foosball.What are you doing in here, anyway?
Dude, get out of here! I'll be there in a second.So remember,dining hall, Monday, midnight.Another Dr.X happening.I'll be there, because X marks the spot-ot-ot-ot-ot.
If you think people liked your show, they did not-ot-ot-ot
This is weird. Look what got mixed in with your fan mail.
It's from the U.S.Department of Immigration.
It's postmarked two months ago.Oh, boy.
What is it?
It's about my work visa.Unless I can find a job in the next seven days, they're gonna send me back to Canada.
I can't believe you might be kicked out of the country.
I know.My whole life is here.
No.We won't let this happen.I mean, one of us will help you find a job.
Yeah, I bet I can get you something at my school.
No, guys It doesn't work that way.Robin only gets her work visa if she gets a job in her field.I mean, you know what, I guess you could stay if you married a U.S. citizen.Yeah, that could work.Oh, no, no.They could never process that and make it official in time.That won't work.
I'm screwed.I've been sending out my reel for three months, and nothing.
Well, maybe there's something in your reel that people aren't responding to.Let's take a look at it, right?
That's a good question, Norm.
Okay, the first thing is from when I was a cub reporter for Channel 22 in Red Deer.In Alberta.In Canada.
Oh, right.Oh, Canada.
Well, the snow's coming down pretty hard, but these intrepid fishermen are still happy to be out competing in Lake Athabasca's Bass Fishing Jamboree, an August 1st tradition.Back to you, Norm.
What? That was my first job.It shows where I came from.
Unless a bear attacks you in the next three seconds and you snap its neck with your legs, that has no business being on your reel.
No, no, I get it, I get it.Where you're from is part of who you're selling.For instance, under "special skills" on my resume, I mention that back in Minnesota, I was the 1995 Nicollet County Slam Dunk Champion.
You put dunk champion on your resume?
Yeah, why wouldn't you? A lot of companies have basketball teams.It's good for them to know that Vanilla Thunder can still take the rock to the hole.
They called you Vanilla Thunder?
Yeah, Vanilla Thunder.The Ghost in the Post.The Human Turnstile.I didn't I didn't play that much D.
You can't still dunk.
Of course I can.Well, I mean I could until until recently.
Until the injury.