Robin: College, good times.
Blah-blah: Oh, I get it. Ted told you I didn't go to college so now you're giving me a cute little backhanded slap.
Barney: Oh, here we go.
Blah-blah: Well, while you were busy majoring in being freaking beautiful, I was starting my own line of handbags.
Barney: Your own line of handbags? That's crazy.
Blah-blah: These have sold in Japan. Robin, have you ever sold anything in Japan?
Robin: Uh, no, but I would love to buy one of them if... Where can I get one?
Blah-blah: I don't have a distributor here yet, but thanks for rubbing that in. Why are you trying to undermine me in front of Ted?
distributor 代理店 rub 〜に擦り傷を作る undermine 〜を間接的に攻撃する
Robin: Look, there's nothing going on between me and Ted.
Blah-blah: Wow, that just came out of nowhere.
come out of nowhere 出任せである
Robin: No, I'm just saying you don't have anything to worry about.
Blah-blah: I wasn't worried. Are you saying I should be?
Robin: No, I'm saying that you shouldn't be.
Blah-blah: Oh good, 'cause I'm not. Now, Robin, could you just let it go? You're making all of us really uncomfortable.
Ted: You know what else is a good story, how Barney and I met. Barney, tell that story, right now. Please.
Barney: OK, Ted, this is a crazy story. You're gonna love it.
Barney: Tonight's the first time I'm taking my deaf brother out since our mom died.
Ted: Oh, I'm sorry about that.
Barney: No, it's OK. I have to take care of him now. Of course, I have had to put my dreams on hold in order to do it, but I'm happy to. He's my brother and I love him. I'm sorry, it's all still so fresh.
Ted: Oh man, I'm really sorry.
Barney: Wow, you bought that?
Barney: I just made that up mid-pee. It worked on you, it's definitely gonna work on that blonde chick at the end of the bar. Unless you're a total idiot. What's your name?
Barney: Are you a total idiot, Ted?
Ted: Well, I'm still having this conversation, so...
Barney: Well played.
Barney: I like you Ted.
Barney: Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live.
Barney: Barney. We met at the urinal.
Ted: Oh right, hi.
Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit.
Ted: I'm not wearing a suit.
Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Sutis are cool. Exhibit A.
Barney: Lesson three, don't even think about getting married till your thirty. And lesson four, be totally silent for the next five minutes.
Barney: Hey, Audrey, this is my deaf brother, Edward.
Barney: Edward, this is Audrey.
Audrey: You know, I actually know some sign language.
Audrey: Hi, my name is Audrey. Nice to meet you
Barney: He doesn't sign. He's embarrassed by his hands. They're tiny and lady-like.
Ted: I'm Edward. Nice to meet you too.
Barney: What? You are over your hand issues. It's about time.
It's about time やっとだね！
Ted: My brother's a great guy. You should give him your phone number.
Audrey: Here. Call me.
Barney: And even though that girl ended up giving me a fake number, I knew that Ted and I would be each other's wingmen forever.
Ted: Barney, it's time you knew, um, that story actually goes a little bit differently.
Ted: He's lying to you. Just give him a fake number.
Barney: Great, funny. God, with a wingman like Ted, I might need to resort to meeting someone in a super desperate and lame way, like online. Online. Online.
Blah-blah: Oh my God, you told them.
Ted: OK, yes, I told them, but it's not a big deal. Lots of people meet on the Internet. That whole seeing a stranger across a crowded room thing, that only happens in the movies.
Barney: Yeah, that never happens. Oh wait, except you and Robin. That's how you guys met, right?
Blah-blah: Wait, you guys dated. For how long?
Robin: A year. But don't worry, the relationship wasn't that good. By the end, it was mostly about sex, which was not that good. But I was the problem. I'd just lie there. Ted is very good. I'm sure he will get you where you need to go. Can I buy your bags online?
Blah-blah: Oh, I see what's going on here, Ted, I'm just some random girl to make Robin jealous and after she takes you back, you probably won't even remember my name.
Ted: Come on, blah-blah, it's not like that.
Barney: Well, we're closing in on the half. Let's see how Blah-blah's doing on the crazy-hot scale.
Barney: She started the night here.
Barney: But as the night's progressed, she's gotten crazier but no hotter which has caused her to drift across the Mendoza diagonal and dangerously close to the Shelley Gillespie zone.
Barney: Another girl I dated. She gained twenty pounds and tried to kill me with a brick.
Ted: I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but seriously there's nothing going on with me and Robin.
Blah-blah: Then why has she been trying to undermine me all night? I mean, look at her. She's laughing at me right now.
Blah-blah: I'm sorry, it's just Lily and Marshall's story is so romantic. I just wish we had something like that.
Ted: Their story is not as magical as it seems.
Blah-blah: What do you mean?
Ted: No, I can't, it's kind of a secret.
Blah-blah: Well, how about I tell you a little secret about what you might get to do later tonight.
Ted: The night before Lily met Marshall, there was this party.
Ted: Hey, you a freshwoman? I never use the word freshman. Sexist.
Lily: Yeah, I'm a first-year. I'm in Hewitt 220.
Ted: No way, Hewitt 110. You should totally come by.
Lily: Maybe I will, Hewitt 110.
students: Chug chug chug chug
Ted: These drunk idiots. Hey, don't drink their two dollar beer. This is a pinot noir from Europe.
Lily: Oh, it's fruity.
Ted: Yeah, I cut it with some cranberry juice, it's pretty strong.
Lily: So, uh, do you have a girlfriend?
Ted: Yeah. Not sure about the whole long distance thing though. It's like Descartes says, "In order to determine whether we can know anything with certainty, we first have to doubt everything we know." You know?
Ted: As drunk as she was, when she woke up the next morning, she still remembered room 110. That's why she knocked on the door. She was looking for me.
Blah-blah: Oh my God.
Ted: Yeah, and in all these years Lily and I have never spoken about it, so again, mum's the word, OK?
mum's the word 他言は無用
Blah-blah: You have to tell Marshall.
Ted: If he heard that, it would destroy him.
Blah-blah: If you don't tell him, I will.
Ted: Oh, come on, you wouldn't.
Ted: Oh no.
Blah-blah: So, Lily, how did you and Ted meet? Come on, Lily, the real story.
Ted: I don't think anyone wants to hear that story.
Lily: Don't be embarrassed, Ted, it was a long time ago.
Ted: I made a huge mistake last night, but it's like Descartes says.
Ted: In order to determine whether there's anything we can know with certain, we first have to doubt everything we know. And I now know for certain that I love you, Karen. Anyway, call me back when you get this. I'm also going down to the computer center to send you an electronic mail.
Marshall: Ted, this is Lily.
Ted: No, no, I'm sorry but I love Karen.
Ted: Yes, that is the unabridged story of how Lily and I met. How embarrassing. Who wants another round?
Blah-blah: That's not the story, Ted, tell 'em.
Marshall: Tell us what?
Ted: Lily, will you help us get the next round?