Look, don't paint me as some sort of a freak for wanting to remain independent.There are plenty of normal people out there who don't want to have kids.
Brother, lay your hand on this box of condoms and repeat after me.I, state the fake name you give to women.
I, Johnny Banana.
Vow to always choose wet Tshirts over wet diapers.
Vow to always...
Yeah, you're in great company there.
I'm gonna look for Lily in the bathroom.While I'm in there, I'll grab you a tampon.
Great.Great, and when you're done shaking off at the urinal, maybe you could ask the wizard to give you a heart.
You know what? Maybe I should find somewhere else to stay this weekend.
No argument here.
Welcome to our fraternity of nonpaternity.He is one of us.
Gentlemen, Mr.Li, if you would all please open to page five of your merger documents.I think the...
What is it, Eriksen?
Nothing.I just think that you look very nice today.
What are you looking at?
I am looking at the future of our two companies, and it looks very naked.Would you excuse me just for a brief second?
Did anyone else see the drunk chick?
Hey, you guys didn't have to... It's a picture of me with no kids.And there's macaroni glued on the frame.Guys, I love it.
Well, Lily's not in there.
Your phone rang.I answered it.I hope you don't mind.Marshall's got Lily.She's fine.
Oh, thank God.What?
When I was putting your phone back, and, uh, I found something in your bag.
I have a permit for that.And the other thing was a gift.
No.This.You stole Jeremy's sock.
No, I didn't.I don't know how that got in there.It must've fallen in.Weird!
Or Lily put it in there as a joke.That bitch be drunk.Okay, I took it.It's just so cute.Sock.
Robin Scherbatsky, are you warming to the idea of having children?
No.I don't know.Maybe someday.When I'm, like, 70.Science will catch up.Look, I'm just I'm confused lately.I'm unemployed.I'm living on a couch.
Yeah.It's been a rough couple of months for both of us.Hey, I have a spare bedroom.Why don't you stay with me while you look for a place?
Thanks, Ted.I already have some leads, so it'll be one week, two weeks tops.
And that's how your Aunt Robin moved in with me.
I'm bored.Let's go dancing.Oh, let's rob a liquor store!
Lily, we're not going anywhere, okay? Whenever we go somewhere when you're drunk, you always fall asleep as soon as we get in the
We're going dancing! We're gonna party all night long!
Hey, can you circle the block a couple times just to make sure she's really down?
Latest Not A Father's Day brainstorm: a pregnancy test, but instead of a little blue line, there's a little, blue Barney going like this.
Barney, Not A Father's Day is lame.It's a holiday for losers.
What are you? What're you talking about? That's a great group of bros.
Barney, it's the Cheerleader Effect.
Uh, no, Ted.That only works for chicks.
Take a good look at each one of those guys individually.These geniuses are not childless by choice, my friend.
Good night, Barney.
Do I smell chocolate chip pancakes?
No, you smell Chocolate chip I'm sorry I was such a drunk idiot pancakes.
Oh, is there any Wish I hadn't puked on your shirt bacon?
There sure is.
I'm so sorry about last night.I know I was a mess.I I just started freaking out about whether we're ready to be parents.But you took such good care of me.I know you're gonna be a great dad.
I don't want to be a dad right now.
Last night, it was just Between balancing work and drunk Baby Lily, it was too much.I'm just getting started at this job, and I'm working such long hours, I mean Look, I love you.And I absolutely want to have kids someday.I just I want to be ready for it.
Me, too.And whenever we are ready, I know you're going to be amazing.
Hey, do you want to go have completely protected sex right now?
Do you want to finish your bacon first?
You are the perfect woman.