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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“8yŒ´‘čzTwelve Horny Women

Kids, this a story about the time your Uncle Marshall went before the New York State Judiciary Committee, a panel that would decide the fate of his career.He thought he'd open with an icebreaker.

Judiciary Committee ‰ş‰@Ži–@ˆĎˆő‰ď panel ŒöŠJ“˘˜_‰ď

By the way, did I mention those robes really do you all justice?I'm just saying that you're all guilty of looking sharp.

Mr.Eriksen, please.You're here to discuss your conduct in court during the week of November 19, 2012.

Of course, Your Honor.

It all started when a so-called friend from law school conned me into believing that he needed my help getting a job, when in reality, he stole my firm's strategy for our upcoming trial against Gruber Pharmaceuticals, who'd been polluting a lake upstate.Turns out, he was representing Gruber.

so-called ‚˘‚í‚ä‚é when in reality ŒťŽŔ‚É‚Í

Win this case or you're fired, Eriksen.

How could you trick me like that?This is the biggest trial in my career.

Mine too, brobeans.When I win this trial, I'm gonna buy a new car.Thinking Lambo.

Awesome.I mean, no!What happened to you?You used to be, like, the nicest guy ever.We were bros.More than bros.We ate brunch together.

And I'll always cherish that.But after Kara broke my heart again for the millionth time, I said screw being nice, suited up and started lying to get what I want.

cherish ‚đ‘ĺŘ‚É‚ˇ‚é when in reality ŒťŽŔ‚É‚Í

That does happen.But you used to want to fight for the little guy.

Little guys pay with little checks.But you already know that.You're in environmental law.Marshall, you have a kid.How are you gonna provide for the little dude's futche?

I'm worried about Planet Earth's futche!That's why I'm gonna kick your ass in this trial.Sure, you may have swiped our entire strategy for this case, but I still got some tricks up my sleeve that you know absolutely nothing about.

Really?

No.

Kids, Robin and Barney had recently shared an awkward moment.

Whoa, whoa.

After that, they did what any two mature adults would do.

Hey!

Hey!

How are you?

Great.

You?

Good, so good.

Oh, great.

Good to see you!

You, too!

They pretended it never happened.

All right, guys, this is the biggest case of Marshall's career.That is why it's so great that we all called in sick to work tomorrow, so we could be in that courtroom to support him.

I didn't call in sick.

I called in for all of us.Uh, I have strep throat.Robin, bronchitis.Barney, massive hemorrhoids.

strep throat ˜A˝‹…‹ŰŤˆô“މŠ bronchitis ‹CŠÇŽx‰Š massive hemorrhoids d“x‚ĚŽ¤

Why'd you have to say massive?

Well, if you're gonna miss work for hemorrhoids, they kind of have to be massive.

I don't want to sit in a courtroom all day.

I bet you don't want to sit anywhere with those hemorrhoids.

I don't have Shut up.Look, you guys wouldn't understand, but when you have a rap sheet as long as mine, the last place you want to spend a day is in court.

Rap sheet?

That's right.When I was a teenager, Lily, I was a total badass.

Pfft.You want to talk about teenage badasses?I was like John Gotti in a training bra.I'm serious.In high school, before I started dating Scooter, even he was afraid of me.

Lily coming!Lily coming!

You look okay.Want to hang out?

Uh, my mom says I'm only allowed three friends, so

Your mom don't make the rules no more, Scooter.

My name's Jeff.

Not no more it ain't.

The one part of that story I believe is that Scooter only had three friends.

Ah!Here he is.The pride of St.Cloud, the environmental lawyer we've come to know and love.He's mean.He's green.He's not wearing the tie I bought him for the trial, but I'm not gonna mention it Marshall I Was Gonna Say 'Nice Tie' Eriksen!

How you feeling, Counselor?

Well, uh, I mean, at first that Brad thing had me rattled, but now I feel pretty good.I mean, for one thing, I don't have massive hemorrhoids.Sorry, buddy.

rattled ˘˜f‚ľ‚˝

I don't have

And more importantly, unlike Brad, I actually have something to fight for.

Pop, because of your precedent-setting legal victory 14 years ago, kids like me can fish in clean lakes all over the world.

precedent-setting ć—á‚đ‚‚­‚é

They sure can, champ.Because when you do one good deed it creates a ripple effect.One good deed leads to another and another.

deed s‚˘ ripple effect ”g‹yŒř‰Ę

Man, you're wise.That's probably why I never have felt the need to do drugs or rebel in any way.

The next day, we all headed down to court to support Uncle Marshall.

Yeah.

Want to know what I looked like at age 15?There it is.

I don't get it.That guy wasn't masturbating.

Yeah, and the waistband of his undies wasn't pulled up to his Cub Scouts neckerchief.

Ted, you were never a badass.

Au contraire.

on the contrary ‚ť‚ę‚Ç‚ą‚ë‚Š

Off to a good start

I was locked up plenty of times as a teenager.Let's just say Johnny Law was not a fan of Teddy Westside.

Make sure you get my good side Princess.

You guys want to talk about hassling the fuzz?

fuzz ƒTƒc

Finish that, Scoots.

Okay, let's see some IDs.

Scooter, do you smell bacon?Laugh, bitch.

Ha!Ha ha!

ID now, both of you.Which one of you is Yuki Hakutani?

Right here.

So, Yuki, you're 6'1 and you were born in 1947?

Congratulations.You can read.

Barney Stinson?

Well, if it isn't Warren Frankel.Bailiff Warren Frankel, who knows me.

You know, I almost didn't recognize you without handcuffs on.

Yeah, I've matured quite a bit since the old days.The only time I'm wearing handcuffs now is, uh, in the bedroom.

Bondage.I get it.Well, I have to run.Stay out of trouble.

Badass.

In summary, I will prove that Gruber Pharmaceuticals wantonly and knowingly polluted Frog Lake and therefore must pay restitution of no less than $25 million.Thank you.

How's this for a fact? Frog Lake is home to a buttload of frogs and birds.If it's so polluted, why don't all those birds fly to a cleaner lake?And why don't the frogs just be like, Hey, birds, can I catch a ride, ribbit?

buttload ‘ĺ—Ę

Marshall's gonna wipe the floor with this ding-dong.

Oops.

I seem to have dropped my pen.

Objection, Your Honor.Nobody needs this long to pick up a pen.

I'll allow it.

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