Narator: Kids,back when we were younger, your Uncle Marshall and I were really into college basketball. Every year,March Madness would take over the entire apartment.
Robin: Hey.What's with the blackboard?
Ted: It's our NCAA bracket.
Marshall: Big board equals big luck!
Lily: Hey, that looks familiar, where did you get it?
Marshall: Hello. Uh, I'm looking for my wife, Ms.Aldrin.
Cleaner: There's no school today. It's Saturday.
Marshall: Of course. How could I forget?
Cleaner: Dumb ass.
Ted: Big board!
Marshall: Big luck!
Marshall: We found it. No big deal. Anyway, every year, Ted and I go in together on this big money pool out in Staten Island.
big deal 大したこと
Ted: Yeah. The winner gets $100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.
Marshall: And you get to keep the duffel bag.
Lily: Why do you guys put yourselves through this? You lose every year.
put oneself through 〜を経験する
Ted: That's because in the past, we were just guessing. This year, we watched every game, read box scores, tracked injuries. This isn't March Madness. This is March Meticulously Thought-outness.
Barney: Your team lost 20 minutes ago.
Ted: I didn't know they were playing today.
Lily: You okay, Barney?
Barney: Something strange is going on. I was down at the hardware store trying to get a little somethin' somethin'.
Robin: Wait. You go to the hardware store to pick up girls?
Barney: There are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves.
Robin: Of course there are.
Barney: Single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch.
Lily: You could not be more evil.
Barney: Sorry. Five. Recently widowed. So, I'm talking to this girl...
Barney: Look, I'm sure he's in a better place. Now let's find you a sturdier ladder.
Barney: I was only gone for a second when...
Barney: See? Skid-proof.
Barney: The same thing happened at the pet store yesterday.
Marshall: Pet store?
Ted: Single girl, mid-twenties, looking for a canine replacement for the boyfriend who just dumped her. Instead, finds Barney.
Barney: God bless you, Ted. You're reading my blog.
Ted: I'm really bored at work.
Barney: I'd call your ex a dog, but that would be an insult to little Ladybug here.
insult 侮辱する Ladybug テントウムシ
Woman: Oh, I want to take her home right now.
Barney: Not without a chew toy from Uncle Barney first. And when I got back... I'm sorry,I'm already spoiling her but diamond in the rough... Could your heart just melt?
Barney: Weird, right? Yeah. The same thing happened last week at the museum.
Lily: Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Lily: You pretend to be a struggling young artist who needs a new muse.
struggling 売れない muse 物思いにふける
Barney: No. Marshall.
Marshall: You're a millionaire art thief casing the joint for a thrill money can no longer give you!
Barney: Oh. No. Robin.
Robin: You're going blind, and you're trying to soak up all the beauty in the world before the darkness descends.
go blind 失明する soak up 吸い上げる
Barney: Bingo! So, I was talking to this girl...
Barney: At this point, about 83%. Soon, these audio guides will be all that I have left.
Woman: I'm so sorry.
Barney: My God, you are beautiful. How about I get you a headset so you can see with your ears like I do? I couldn't have been gone more than 20 seconds, but when I came back... Hmm.You know, I also love the smell of great art.
Barney: Why does this keep happening?
Lily: Maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are.
Barney: Oh, really? Then why am I not in prison for perjury? But I don't want to talk about work. Something weird is going on here.
Narator: But the next night got even weirder.
Barney: Alan Alda. It was Alan Alda.
Lily: You never gonna believe what just happened.
Barney: Who was that guy from Mash? The main guy. What...? Hawkeye from Mash. How can I be blanking on this?
Lily: Alan Alda?
Mystery woman: Hey, a word of advice? That guy you were talking to, Barney Stinson... I know he seems charming, but he's just saying whatever it takes to get in your pants. Sleeping with Barney was the biggest mistake of my life.
Barney: Oh, my God. Where is she?
Lily: She must have left. She...
Barney: Well, she-she said I hooked up with her? What was her name? What did she look like?
Lily: She didn't say her name, but she had blonde hair, boobs. Kind of trashy.
Barney: Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair?
Barney: That's all of them. Okay. Stay calm. Let's think this through. One of the girls who I lied to, seduced and abandoned is trying to ruin my life. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one it is. Oh, dear God!
Barney: Some woman that I slept with and screwed over is trying to ruin my life. God, why is this happening to me?
Lily: It's karma.
Barney: Nah, it's not Karma. She's stripping in Vegas. Plus, we're good.
Ted: Look, if you want to figure out who it is, why don't you just start by checking your list?
Barney: My list? Dude, do not pretend you're not the kind of guy who keeps a list of all the girls he's slept with.
Marshall: I have one. It's called my marriage license.
Ted: Come on, let's see the list.
Barney: Ted, don't be crass. I would never demean the women that I've slept with by putting their names on some tawdry list.
crass 鈍感な demean 品位を落とす
Barney: This is a scrapbook of all of the women I've slept with. I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th. Ask for Heloise. Tell her I sent you. What do you think, Lil? You recognize the saboteur?
Lily: I don't know, Barney. I only saw her face.
Ted: How many of these girls know they're being photographed?
Barney: All of them, but only about half buy a copy on the way out.
on the way out 出て行くときに
Lily: Oh, Barney, you're never gonna figure out which one of these is the mystery woman. All of these women have a right to hate you.
Robin: Oh, Lily, come on, lighten up. I mean, any girl who's gonna be with a guy like Barney and do this or that, or this and that, or do this with those in that... I mean, she should have known what she was getting into.
lighten up 元気出して
Barney: Absolutely. And what I do with these women should be between me and them. And you guys. And Heloise. She helped me do the decoupage.
Lily: I don't know, Barney. I don't recognize any of these women. I mean, some minor celebrities, one government official, and what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot.
Barney: This is impossible. There's too many girls. How the hell am I gonna narrow this down?