ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Put that away. Tonight's on me."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“3yŒ´‘čzThe Bracket

Narator: Kids,back when we were younger, your Uncle Marshall and I were really into college basketball. Every year,March Madness would take over the entire apartment.

Robin: Hey.What's with the blackboard?

Ted: It's our NCAA bracket.

Ted:bracket ‘ΐí‚Ě‘g‚ݍ‡‚í‚š•\

Marshall: Big board equals big luck!

Lily: Hey, that looks familiar, where did you get it?

Marshall: Hello. Uh, I'm looking for my wife, Ms.Aldrin.

Cleaner: There's no school today. It's Saturday.

Marshall: Of course. How could I forget?

Cleaner: Dumb ass.

Ted: Big board!

Marshall: Big luck!

Marshall: We found it. No big deal. Anyway, every year, Ted and I go in together on this big money pool out in Staten Island.

big deal ‘ĺ‚ľ‚˝‚ą‚Ć

Ted: Yeah. The winner gets $100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.

Marshall: And you get to keep the duffel bag.

Lily: Why do you guys put yourselves through this? You lose every year.

put oneself through `‚đŒoŒą‚ˇ‚é

Ted: That's because in the past, we were just guessing. This year, we watched every game, read box scores, tracked injuries. This isn't March Madness. This is March Meticulously Thought-outness.

Barney: Your team lost 20 minutes ago.

Ted: I didn't know they were playing today.

Lily: You okay, Barney?

Barney: Something strange is going on. I was down at the hardware store trying to get a little somethin' somethin'.

Robin: Wait. You go to the hardware store to pick up girls?

Barney: There are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves.

Robin: Of course there are.

Barney: Single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch.

Lily: You could not be more evil.

Barney: Sorry. Five. Recently widowed. So, I'm talking to this girl...

widowed –˘–Sl

Barney: Look, I'm sure he's in a better place. Now let's find you a sturdier ladder.

sturdy ä•v‚Č

Barney: I was only gone for a second when...

Barney: See? Skid-proof.

Barney: The same thing happened at the pet store yesterday.

Marshall: Pet store?

Ted: Single girl, mid-twenties, looking for a canine replacement for the boyfriend who just dumped her. Instead, finds Barney.

canine ‚¨‚Ç‚Ż‚ăCƒk‚đŽw‚ˇ‚Ć‚Ť‚É—p‚˘‚é‚ą‚Ć‚Ş‘˝‚˘

Barney: God bless you, Ted. You're reading my blog.

Ted: I'm really bored at work.

Barney: I'd call your ex a dog, but that would be an insult to little Ladybug here.

insult •ŽJ‚ˇ‚é Ladybug ƒeƒ“ƒgƒEƒ€ƒV

Woman: Oh, I want to take her home right now.

Barney: Not without a chew toy from Uncle Barney first. And when I got back... I'm sorry,I'm already spoiling her but diamond in the rough... Could your heart just melt?

Woman: Jerk!

Barney: Weird, right? Yeah. The same thing happened last week at the museum.

Lily: Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Barney: Lily.

Lily: You pretend to be a struggling young artist who needs a new muse.

struggling ”„‚ę‚Č‚˘ muse •¨Žv‚˘‚É‚Ó‚Ż‚é

Barney: No. Marshall.

Marshall: You're a millionaire art thief casing the joint for a thrill money can no longer give you!

Barney: Oh. No. Robin.

Robin: You're going blind, and you're trying to soak up all the beauty in the world before the darkness descends.

go blind Ž¸–ž‚ˇ‚é soak up ‹z‚˘ă‚°‚é

Barney: Bingo! So, I was talking to this girl...

Barney: At this point, about 83%. Soon, these audio guides will be all that I have left.

Woman: I'm so sorry.

Barney: My God, you are beautiful. How about I get you a headset so you can see with your ears like I do? I couldn't have been gone more than 20 seconds, but when I came back... Hmm.You know, I also love the smell of great art.

Barney: Why does this keep happening?

Lily: Maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are.

Barney: Oh, really? Then why am I not in prison for perjury? But I don't want to talk about work. Something weird is going on here.

perjury ‹UŘ

Narator: But the next night got even weirder.

Barney: Alan Alda. It was Alan Alda.

Lily: You never gonna believe what just happened.

Barney: Who was that guy from Mash? The main guy. What...? Hawkeye from Mash. How can I be blanking on this?

Lily: Alan Alda?

Barney: No.

Mystery woman: Hey, a word of advice? That guy you were talking to, Barney Stinson... I know he seems charming, but he's just saying whatever it takes to get in your pants. Sleeping with Barney was the biggest mistake of my life.

Barney: Oh, my God. Where is she?

Lily: She must have left. She...

Barney: Well, she-she said I hooked up with her? What was her name? What did she look like?

Lily: She didn't say her name, but she had blonde hair, boobs. Kind of trashy.

trashy ‚­‚ž‚ç‚Č‚˘

Barney: Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair?

Lily: Yes!

Barney: That's all of them. Okay. Stay calm. Let's think this through. One of the girls who I lied to, seduced and abandoned is trying to ruin my life. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one it is. Oh, dear God!

Barney: Some woman that I slept with and screwed over is trying to ruin my life. God, why is this happening to me?

Lily: It's karma.

Barney: Nah, it's not Karma. She's stripping in Vegas. Plus, we're good.

Ted: Look, if you want to figure out who it is, why don't you just start by checking your list?

Barney: My list? Dude, do not pretend you're not the kind of guy who keeps a list of all the girls he's slept with.

Marshall: I have one. It's called my marriage license.

Ted: Come on, let's see the list.

Barney: Ted, don't be crass. I would never demean the women that I've slept with by putting their names on some tawdry list.

crass “ÝŠ´‚Č demean •iˆĘ‚đ—Ž‚Ć‚ˇ

Barney: This is a scrapbook of all of the women I've slept with. I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th. Ask for Heloise. Tell her I sent you. What do you think, Lil? You recognize the saboteur?

Lily: I don't know, Barney. I only saw her face.

Ted: How many of these girls know they're being photographed?

Barney: All of them, but only about half buy a copy on the way out.

on the way out o‚čs‚­‚Ć‚Ť‚É

Lily: Oh, Barney, you're never gonna figure out which one of these is the mystery woman. All of these women have a right to hate you.

Robin: Oh, Lily, come on, lighten up. I mean, any girl who's gonna be with a guy like Barney and do this or that, or this and that, or do this with those in that... I mean, she should have known what she was getting into.

lighten up Œł‹Co‚ľ‚Ä

Barney: Absolutely. And what I do with these women should be between me and them. And you guys. And Heloise. She helped me do the decoupage.

Lily: I don't know, Barney. I don't recognize any of these women. I mean, some minor celebrities, one government official, and what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot.

Barney: This is impossible. There's too many girls. How the hell am I gonna narrow this down?

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