ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Nice job filling in for Lily on Marvin's lullaby."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“8yŒ´‘čzThe Fortress

In the spring of 2013, Barney and Robin were just weeks away from tying the knot. But there were still some pretty big issues they hadn't agreed on.

tie the knot Œ‹Ľ‚ˇ‚é

Adoption.

I don't know.

It's the only thing that makes sense. I can't... I can't believe you're not open to it.

Okay. Let's try it. Nope, it doesn't work with 27 down.

Hey, with the wedding so close, maybe we should talk about where we're going to live.

Fine, enough. Stop begging. We'll live here. But you owe me.

Yeah, I don't know... there's just a lot of things I don't totally love about your apartment.

Like what?

Well, for example, why is your bed on what look like train tracks?

You were wonderful.

Well, you don't get to be a state-certified orgasmologist without learning how to please a woman.

You don't mind if I spend the night, do you?

Um, how else are we gonna get to know each other on a deeper level? Excuse me, I just have to log tonight's orgasms with the licensing board.

The Ho-be-gone Sleep System by Stinson, patent pending.

patent pending “Á‹–oŠč’†

What-what is on the other side of the wall? Where do the hos go?

What am I, a contractor?

contractor ż•‰‹ĆŽŇ

We-we need to go into this marriage with a fresh start. What do you say we find a new place together?

I love you. And if that will make you happy, then let's do it. Wow, so we need to find an apartment where I haven't banged someone? How do you feel about Cleveland?

Ha, ha.

Nope. Ted's mom.

Shh... Nice job filling in for Lily on Marvin's lullaby.

fill in for ‘ă—‚đ‚ˇ‚é

Thanks, but I came in early on the horsie. Stupid!

No, you really nailed all of Lily's parts. It's been three weeks since I have. I barely see her anymore 'cause of this new job.

Well, you know what might cheer you up? Hmm? There's a new Woodworthy Manor on tonight.

Woodworthy Manor was a show about an upper class English estate at the beginning of the 20th century.

My word! You can't possibly mean...

on my word ž‚Á‚Ä

But I do! With the succession of Lady Eastbrooke to Viscountess of Marlyemead, our cousin Baldrick becomes... the Earl of Witherstead.

The Earl of Witherstead! I only posted that prediction 15 times on the forums!

prediction —\Œž

No, I can't.

I promised Lily that I would wait and watch it with her. Problem is, the Captain.

Lily had just started a job as the art consultant for an eccentric billionaire, the Captain.

Oh. Ahoy.

There's a hot new artist in Red Hook. He's molded world currency into a sculpture of a soulless plutocrat defecating on the poor. A scathing indictment of capitalism. I'll go as high as $200K as long as you think I can flip it for double in six months.

mold Œ`ě‚é plutocrat •x‹ defecate ”r•Ö‚ˇ‚é scathing Œľ‚ľ‚­”ᔝ‚ˇ‚é indictment ‹N‘i capitalism Ž‘–{Žĺ‹`

Aye, aye, Cap'n.

Ahoy.

There's this gorgeously delicate impressionist still life, reminiscent of Monet's water lilies.

Where is it?

Rikers Island. The artist is serving two consecutive life sentences for aggravated homicide. I'm willing to go as high as six cartons of cigarettes and a jug of toilet wine.

consecutive ˜A‘ą‚ľ‚˝ aggravated ˆŤŽż‚Č homicide ŽEl

Is it a strain, feeling like a single dad at times? Sure, but Lily's been busting her butt at this new job. It's not like she's been out there partying.

strain •‰’S

Man, I'm 'faced. I ate a ton of caviar, but it soaked up none of the champagne.

faced –łŽ‹‚ł‚ę‚˝ soak up ‹z‚˘ă‚°‚é

Mondays, right?

Yeah.

When did you get glasses?

Oh... you mean my glare reduction lunettes. Yeah. They help me discern genius from pretentious crap.

glare –Ú—§‚ reduction Œ¸­ lunettes ƒŠƒ…ƒlƒbƒg discern ŒŠ’č‚ß‚é pretentious ‚¤‚Ę‚Ú‚ę‚˝

Too bad you weren't wearing those glasses when you bought those glasses.

Well, listen, baby, I-I'm just happy to see you.

And if you're not too tired, maybe we could watch Woodworthy Manor tonight.

I'd love to.

Great! Because I've come up with a fun little game. I made figgy pudding and I put it in shot glasses. And every time they say, "The dowager will be less than pleased," you have to...

dowager ‹C•i‚Ě‚ ‚é”N”z‚Ě•wl

Oh. Ugh...

Ahoy.

A seven-foot-tall cross-dressing Cambodian is throwing glitter and fish guts at a billboard on the B.Q.E.

So he's some sort of conceptual painter?

No, no, just a crazy person on the local news. I thought you might have a laugh. You're off the clock, relax. I must own it.

Aye, aye, Cap'n.

Hey, did you find a Realtor to sell this place yet?

Robin, a Realtor's just gonna give it to the highest bidder. I need this place to go to someone worthy. And I've made some inquiries.

bidder “üŽDŽŇ

Barney?

My son.

Barney, enough with the floating Jor-El head from the Fortress of Solitude in Superman, okay? It's getting old.

I only use it to say really important stuff.

Last time you used it to tell me Wendy's had introduced a spicy version of "The Baconator."

Exactly. And now, my son... it is time for me to bestow on you...

bestow on Žö‚Ż‚é

Can we just talk face-to-face like normal people?

Ted, just... just... okay? My son, it is time for me to bestow on you... Close the door.

No.

This is...

Oh, my God, can you just be cool? Once? Please? Just once? Can you just once be cool? Once? Please? My son... for many years this apartment has been my Fortress of Barnitude. But now the time has come for me to pass it on. Soon, this place will become your "Fortress of Soli-Ted."

Barney, I wouldn't live here even if you scrubbed every inch of this place with Purell, amoxicillin and holy water.

scrubbed ôň‚ľ‚˝

Fine. But I think we can both agree, it would be totally awesome to see my deal floating around all huge-like on the big Jor-El cam. Hold on. Now, it's a little cold here in the Fortress, so don't judge... Ted, wait. What did you... That's... okay, that's not funny. Ted, open the... Uh... walls closing in. I can't... can't breathe. Must... show deal...on Jor-El cam... I...

Oh, well, guess I'm keeping this place forever, good night.

Wait a... wait a minute, that's it? Ted wasn't interested in buying your apartment, so you just gave up? Barney, I gave up my beautiful two-bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side that was rent-free and the landlord hand-washed all my delicates. Which is probably why it was rent-free. The point is, I need to buy all new underwear, and you agreed that we would find a new place together. Oh, God, Barney, relationships are about trust and compromise. You can't just... Oh, you are so dead. If I ever figure a way out of here, I will make your life a living...

compromise ÷•ŕ

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