Kids, the day you get married is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, the perfect ending to a perfect love story.My wedding at least my first wedding didn't go so well.
It's funny looking back on it now.I was so sure Stella was the one.And when she left me, I was so devastated.But you guys got me through it.And now the painful part's over.I've come out the other side a little bit stronger.You know, I hardly even think about her anymore.That's what time does, I guess.
devastate 大きく落胆させる come out the other side 反対側に hardly even 〜することさえほとんどない
Ted, the wedding was yesterday.It's been 24 hours.
I know.And this is me, moving on.A great new chapter of my life began today, and we're gonna celebrate.Right now, we need two things.We need Kool, and we need the Gang.It's jukebox time, huh?
I look at that young man popping and locking his way over to the jukebox, and I think to myself, you know maybe Stella made the right call.Pain.
make the right call 正しい判断をする
How is he dancing right now? He should be smashing up Stella's car with a sledgehammer.
Hypothetical.Ted isn't pretending to be happy.Ted really is happy.He never wanted to get married in the first place.Ted just pulled off the greatest train dodge since Stand by Me.Well, not the first kid, but the other kids.
train dodge キセル？
No, he is in bad shape.
in bad shape 調子が悪い
Really bad shape.And we need to be there for him.
But as much as my friends wanted to be there for me, I was, by all appearances fine.
Want to hang out?
Guys, I'm fine.
Hey, pal, you want to have a catch?
I'm fine.This is not necessary, and it's actually kind of weird.No offense, ladies.
I did not realize you'd be home.Ladies, to the stairwell.
Finally, after two weeks, the inevitable emotions boiled over.
inevitable 避けられない boil over 手が付けられなくなる
Hey, you guys want to get some dinner?
Oh, shut up.I'm sorry, sweetie.It's just Ted, you've been through something traumatic, and we're trying to be there for you as friends, but you're not letting us, and it's pissing us off, you selfish bitch.Sorry.
Look, we're just worried that you're not dealing with this whole Stella thing.Okay? Do you remember when Lily left me? You remember how I held in my feelings?
I miss her so much.
Yeah, dude, you were a rock.
Well, I should have been even worse, okay? I should have gotten mad.I should have taken your advice and set all of Lily's stuff on fire.
Oh, nice.Thanks, Ted.
But I didn't, and I think that that's why it took me so long to get better.So, now, Ted I want you to explode.Release the berserker.Okay, ready? Now!
Guys, get off his back.He's happy.Listen, if Ted were married right now, he'd be married, he'd be living in New Jersey, and he'd be married.He's fine.Now, let's eat.How about Flat Michael's?
No, that's 44th and Lex.Can't do it.
It's too close to Stella's gym.Might run into her.Anywhere else, though.
Okay how about Hurley's?
Right between Stella's office and her dry cleaners.No, sir.
Well, what about meat loaf Charlie's?
Two blocks from Stella's mother's hairdressers.
Well, geez, Ted, is there anywhere in Manhattan we can go to dinner?
Of course.Check this out.
What you got there, Ted?
A little reference map I made for myself.A New York guide to places you might run into Stella Zinman.Red areas are places to avoid.White areas are safe.Blue is water.
That is just ridiculous.
Well, water is blue.
You can't live that way.
She leaves you at the altar, and you're the one avoiding her?
Yes, I'm avoiding her.What's the big deal? That's how we do it.
Who's we, gutless weenies?
No, "we" is people from the great state of Ohio.When life gives us pain, we Buckeyes take that pain and we push it down.And if the pain starts to come up again, we push more pain down on top of it.Why confront something when you can avoid it, right? All I have to do is never see Stella again, and I'll live a long, happy life.Now, who wants to get something to eat?
Oh, somebody just told me about a tapas place that's in the white zone.
Great.Let's go there.
You ready to order?
Not quite yet.Can we get some of those almonds for the table?
Nice call, Lily.This place looks great.Who told you about it?
You know, I don't remember.
I'd just remember.
Oh, my God.Okay, just be cool.We're just gonna have to deal with this.Everyone follow my lead.
Is he serious?
I am not getting under this table.I'd maybe get under that table.
She's turning around.
Think.Everyone, just stay here.I'm gonna go take a look.Marshall, go take a look.
And will you need utensils?
No, I'm just going straight home.
She's placing an order to go.
place an order 注文する
Did she seem happy? Did she say anything about me? I don't even care.Where are those almonds?
Gosh, where would Ted's nuts be? Hey, why don't you check the vise in Stella's garage?
Go yell at her.
Ted, you may be from Ohio, but you live in New York now.We don't push down our feelings in New York.We take our feelings and we shove them in somebody else's face!
Oh, spare me, Lily.You'd be doing the same thing if you were in this situation.
spare me 勘弁して
That's outrageous.There is not a person on Earth I would hide under a table from.
outrageous 言語道断の イライラさせる
Really, not a single person? Not even Gasser?
How dare you mention that name to me.
He's the last person I'd want to see walk through that door.Michael Sasser.He's a guy I went to high school with.