Narator: Your Uncle Barney was always a bit of an enigma. In all the years we lived in new york, none of us had ever set foot in his apartment. Until one day, one of us did.
Narator: It's a pretty good story. And believe it or not, alcohol did not play a role. It all started two weeks earlier at Lily's housewarming. Lily's apartment.
Lily: Welcome to my new home.
Ted: Oh, wow, Lily, this is... Oh, this is all of it.
Lily: Yeah,I know it's small, but it's got character. Thank you. And I am learning Lithuanian from my neighbors. They're great. They're always out there in the hall, you know, cooking and gambling and giving each other haircuts. It's nice.
Ted: Hey,is that a toilet in your kitchen?
Robin: Or a stove in your bathroom?
Lily: Oh, that's not just a stove. That's a stovenkerator a combination of a stove, oven and sink and refrigerator. Stovenkerator. Isn't that futuristic?
Ted: God,I hope not. Hey, cool murphy bed.
murphy bed 収納式ベッド
Lily: It's kind of a mess. I didn't make my bed this morning, so...
Robin: Oh! You know what? I bet sleeping at this angle is good for you. For some reason.
Ted: Hold on, I got it.
Lily: That was "something, something, I am going to something you like a something donkey.
Robin: Uh. Other cultures!
Lily: Hey, let's break out the fruit basket. Hey, who ate all the...? Aaaaaah!
Ted: Okay, we have to get Lily out of that apartment. Her roommate is a raccoon.
Robin: I'd offer her my place, but I've got dogs and she's allergic.
Ted: Dogs? I live with her ex-boyfriend. I think she's a little more allergic to that.
Robin: What about your place, Barney? I know it's shrouded in mystery, but it's gotta have a couch.
Barney: The fortress of barnitude? No way.
Robin: Come on. She's desperate.
Barney: Hmm, normally a prerequisite for the women I bring home, but... pass.
Marshall: One of you guys is very, very lucky because I have... A boom! An extra ticket to the Alanis Morissette concert. Who's in?
Robin: Absolutely not.
Marshall: Damn! I got these tickets like months ago for me and Lily and now I can't find anyone to go with me. This is what I miss about being in a couple. I always had someone to go to concerts with, or farmer's market, or brunch. God, I miss brunch!
Ted: Well, I guess you could - well, you could try going to brunch alone.
Marshall: Oh, you don't think I've tried?
Marshall: Table for one.
Head waiter: One... Couple?
Marshall: Um, no, just me.
Head waiter: Really? For brunch?
Marshall: You're right. Who am I kidding?
Who am I kidding? 私ったら何言ってるんだろう / なんちゃってね
Robin: Oh, the Popover Pantry! That place is great. Can we go get brunch tomorrow?
Ted: Of course, sweetie.
Marshall: Can I go with you guys?
Ted: Really? For brunch?
Marshall: God, I hate being single!
Barney: Okay,I'll take the over on the Pittsburgh game. Oh and P. to the S., I never got my payout from Seattle from two weeks ago. Yeah. Don't make me call the gaming commission on you. I'm sure they'd be very interested to know what's going on over there. All right? All right? Okay, I love you too Mom. Take care. Hello Lily. You've somehow managed to circumvent my security. How did you do it?
somehow 何とかして circumvent 回避する
Lily: Ted gave me your spare key.
Ted: Spare key! Brilliant!
Lily: I'm sorry,but you know I'd only come here if I had no other choice. But earlier today, I was getting ready to go to sleep and...
Lily: Sveikas (=Hello)
Barney: That's terrible. Well, see ya.
Lily: Wait, can I stay here maybe?
Barney: I'd let you, but I don't have any room.
Lily: You live in a two-bedroom apartment. You have one room just for your suits.
Barney: Hey I'm at a point in my life where my suits are my family. Look around you Lily. You are in the heart of bachelor country, and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now,you can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. 14 if you qualify for multiple entry.
qualify for 〜するのにふさわしい
Lily: Ewww!...Is something some lame, judgmental chick would say, but I say give me multiple high fives.
Barney: Wow, you really are desperate.
Lily: I really am.
Barney: Oh okay, you can stay here for two days. But I only have one rule. You can't change anything.
Lily: Why would I change anything? This place is... Perfect. Except for the fact that you don't have a TV.
Barney: See that wall? 300-inch flat-screen. They only sell them in Japan, but I know a guy. Had to ship it over in a tugboat like freakin' King Kong.
Lily: It hurts my eyes.
Barney: Yeah. That doesn't go away.
Ted: Hey, where have you been?
Marshall: The Alanis Morissette concert.
Ted: By yourself?
Marshall: No,actually I went with a friend from law school.
Robin: Oh,really? Who's this friend?
Brad: Bro, Alanis Morissette rocks!
Marshall: Totally! I can't believe I almost didn't come tonight.
Brad: Let me guess... you bought the tickets for you and Lily right before she dumped you.
Marshall: Yeah, how'd you know?
Brad: I just got dumped myself.
Marshall: What? Kara broke up with you? I'm sorry,man. That sucks. Brad,do you like brunch?
Ted: You invited him to brunch?
Marshall: Yeah, I invited him to brunch. Why? Is that weird?
Ted: Yes. That's why I was all "you invited him to brunch?"
Marshall: Why can't two guys who are friends go to brunch?
Ted: Because brunch is kind of...
Marshall: Girly? Breakfast isn't girly. Lunch isn't girly. What makes brunch girly?
Ted: I don't know. There's nothing girly about a horse, nothing girly about a horn, but put them together and you get a unicorn.
Marshall: I don't care what either of you say, I am going to the Popover Pantry with Brad. We're here. We're hungry. Get used to it, brunch.