Narator: Kids, before I met your mother, when I was still out there searching, I learned something valuable, that love is not a science.
Daughter: Wow, that was a great story, Dad.
Son: We're gonna go watch TV.
Narator: You see, sometimes in life, you just have to accept that certain things can't be explained. And that's kind of scary.
Marshall: Oh my God.
Lily: I know, I'm still shaking.
Barney: What the? Haha, joke's on you, I have a cold.
joke's on you 悪ふざけが自分に返ってくる
Robin: Are you guys OK?
Marshall: Another round and back it up for me and Lily.
Another round and back it up for me and Lily it basically means that he wants another round of beer and after that he wants another one and another and another etc.
Ted: What happened?
Marshall: We saw something, up in the apartment.
Lily: Something bad.
Marshall: I don't know what it is, but margaritas make me sexy.
Lily: Oh, mucho sexy. You quiero Marshall.
Lily: Oh my God.
Ted: What was it?
Marshall: Only the craziest, meanest looking mouse you've ever seen.
craziest クレイジーの最上級 meanest meanの最上級 〔馬などが〕御しがたい、〔人が〕扱いにくい
Lily: Mouse? Sweetie, that wasn't a mouse. That was a huge cockroach.
Marshall: Baby, it was a mouse. It had a whiskers.
Lily: But those things coming out of his head, those were antennae.
come out of 〜から出てくる
Barney: Marshall ran away from a cockroach.
Marshall: It, it was a mouse.
Barney: Oh, yeah, sorry, my bad. You're a man.
Robin: Ooh, my story's on. Ted, pay attention. Carl, turn it up.
Robin: I'm here with Ellen Pierce, New York's premiere matchmaker. Ellen, your company, Love Solutions boasts a 100% success rate. What's your secret?
Ellen: Science. Everything in life can be broken down to ones and zeros, even love. All I have to do is input the variables, run the algorithm, and presto manifesto, you have a soulmate, and it works. Just ask all of my happy couples. And these are just the attractive ones, I have more photos in the bathroom.
break down 分解される presto manifesto いっちょうアガリ soulmate 同志
Robin: Love Solution's Ellen Pierce, a beacon of hope for New York city's lovelorn. Robin Scherbatsky...
Barney: Was that chick at the end really a client?
at the end 最後に（は）、終わりに（は）、ついに
Barney: We're signing up.
Barney: Ted, these chicks are desperate and hot. That's a perfect cocktail. Shake well, then sleep with.
Ted: I'm not going to a matchmaker. That's like giving up. It's the man version of getting a cat.
Marshall: No, it wasn't a cockroach. It had fur and only mammals have fur.
fur 毛皮 mammals 哺乳類
Lily: It was a cockroach.
Marshall: Come on, Lily, the only way that that was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just killed.
Lily: Oh my God.
Barney: Come on.
Barney: Ted, hurry, you gotta help me. My boat is sinking.
Barney: My boat is sinking.
Ted: You have a boat?
Barney: Yes, I bought a boat last year at a police auction. I just got a call from a guy down at the marina that it's leaning starboard at a 45 degree angle. If I don't get there right now, it's gonna capsize. Now, come on!
starboard 右舷 leaning 傾斜 capsize 転覆する
Ted: Your boat is sinking. That was good.
Barney: Come on, Ted, this is an incredible opportunity. We'll meet our soulmates, nail 'em and never call them again.
nail スラングで = to have sex with
Ellen: All finished, gentlemen? Congratulations, you have just taken your very first step.
Barney: Gosh, thanks, Ellen. I sure hope this works. I'm so done with the single life, all the games, the meaningless sex.
Ellen: You deserve more.
You deserve more あなたは もっと むくわれてもよい
Barney: That is so true, Ellen. I really think I'm ready to stop being a me and start being a we. Hey, is there anyway I can let it be known that I love cuddling?
is there anyway どうにか cuddle 抱き締める、寄り添う
Ellen: Oh, of course you can. That is so...
Barney: It's kind of hard to talk about with Ted here, but I just want someone who's not afraid to hold me at night when the tears come. Ellen, can you help me find her?
Ellen: Get out.
Ellen: I get 15 guys like you every week. Jerks who just want to meet vulnerable women, nail 'em and never call them again.
Barney: Oh my God, people do that.
Ellen: You wanna do this the easy way or the hard way?
Barney: What's the hard way? Security roughs me up and tosses me out?
rough up 痛めつける toss out 放り出す
Ellen: That's the easy way. The hard way is that I stomp the crap out of you myself.
stomp the crap out of 〜ひどく踏みつける
Barney: OK, Ted, let's go.
Ellen: Not you, you stay.
Ellen: You're cute. You're an architect. Good career and you didn't use an obvious alias on your application like your friend, Jack Package.
Barney: It's pronounced 'Pa-kojj.'
Ellen: Get outta here!
Ellen: You I can work with. You give me three days and I will find the woman you will marry.
Ted: Ah, no thanks. I don't need an algorithm to meet women. It's New York City. You know, plenty of fish in the sea.
Ellen: Plenty of fish in the sea. Yes, there's 9 million people in New York, 4.5 million women. Of course you wanna meet someone roughly your own age, let's say, plus minus 5 years. So if we take into account the most recent census data, that leaves us with 482,000. But, uh, wait 48% of those are already in relationships and then you have to eliminate half for intelligence, sense of humor and compatibility and then you have to take out the ex-girlfriends and the relatives and oh, we can't forget those lesbians and then that leaves us with 8 women.
census 人口調査 eliminate 除外する compatibility 相性 relative 血縁者
Ted: That can't be right. Eight? Really, eight?
Ellen: There are 8 fish in that big, blue ocean, Ted. And if you feel confident that you can reel one into your boat without me, there's the door.
confident 自信あふれる reel 引き寄せる
Ted: Do you take credit cards?
Lily: OK, it's back and this time we got a good look.
get a good look at 〜をよく見る
Barney: Hey, seriously, you have to stop doing that.
Marshall: It's bigger now. It's been feeding.
Lily: We were just upstairs watching TV.
Marshall: Ah gosh.
Lily: OK, let's do this.
Marshall: Shh, shh, it's OK, it's over.
Barney: So did you get a good look at it?
Lily: Yeah. It has six legs, a hard exoskeleton like a roach...
exoskeleton 外骨格 roach ゴキブリ
Marshall: But it has mouse-like characteristics. Grey-brown tufts of fur, a tail.
characteristic 特徴、特性 tuft 房
Robin: So which is it, a cockroach or a mouse?
Lily: It's a cockamouse.
Lily: It's some sort of mutant combination of the two. It's as if a cockroach and a mouse...you know...
as if あたかも〜かのように
Barney: Hit the horizontal ten-legged interspecies cha-cha?
Hit the horizontalTo lay down in a horizontal position interspecies 《生物》種間の interspecies chimera 種間キメラなので interspecies cha-chaは、種間チャチャ？
Robin: That's impossible. That simply can't happen.
Lily: Oh, but it can.
Marshall: And it has
Lily: And it's pissed.
Ted: Dude, is everything OK? You left the front door open.
Marshall: There was no time.
Robin: So Love Solutions, did you meet the love of your life?
Ted: She said it'd take three days. It's been five days. Should I be worried?
Lily: Oh, just play it cool. Don't Ted out about it.
Ted: Did you just use my name as a verb?
Barney: Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. Ted-out: to overthink. Also see Ted-up. Ted-up: to overthink something with disastrous results. Sample sentence: Billy Tedded up when
overthink 〜を考え過ぎる disastrous 災害を引き起こす、破滅的な、悲惨な
Ted: OK, I get it. Don't worry, I'm not gonna ted anything up or out. I'll just give it a few more days.