Narator: In May of 2007, Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall got married at the historic Van Smoot House in upstate New York.
Robin: Wow, it's beautiful, Lily.
Lily: Yeah. It's just how I always pictured it.
Narator:Well, that was a load of crap. You see, kids, when you get married, you learn a hard lesson. The wedding you set out to have is almost never the wedding you end up with.
set out to 〜に着手する end up with 〜で終わる
Lily: So, we've decided on a small, outdoor wedding, just family and close friends. No more than 25 people in a beautiful garden somewhere, maybe an acoustic guitar playing while we walk down the aisle.
Barney: And maybe you already know someone who went down to the courthouse and registered as an officiant so that he or she-- he-- could perform the ceremony.
Robin: But you hate marriage. Why do you want to perform the ceremony?
Barney: Because it subtly implants in the mind of every woman there that when I ask a question, you say, "I do." Yeah.
subtly 微妙に implant 深く刻みこむ
Narator: The closer you get to the big day, the more concessions you make.
Lily: Great. Now my mom's making me invite the Lessners. This puts our numbers in the triple digits.
Robin: Wow. I guess sometimes, Lessner is more... ner. You know how like sometimes less is more.
Ted: Yeah. This is one of those times, sweetie?
Marshall: You know what? That's okay. It'll be a slightly big outdoor wedding.
Lily: So it's not going to be an outdoor wedding anymore. Marshall's dad is convinced if we have an outdoor wedding in New York, he's going to get mugged, so it's going to be inside now. It'll be great. We're still going to have our acoustic guitar player.
get mugged 強奪される
Lily: So now, instead of an acoustic guitar, we're having a harp player. Yeah. My dad owes a guy, and... that guy's daughter plays the harp.
Barney: Is she hot? I'd love to be able to cross "harp player" off my list.
Marshall: How long is this list?
Barney: Dude, I'm not gonna count how many pages the list is. I'm not crass.
Lily: Well, it doesn't matter anyway. She's pregnant.
Barney: Sweet! I can cross off two things.
Narator: And the day arrives for Lily and Marshall's very big indoor wedding... with a harp.
Andrea: Hi, Lily.
Lily: Wow. Andrea. You really are pregnant.
Robin: How do you play the harp with your belly so...?
Andrea: Oh, I don't really-- I can only reach about half the strings.
Robin: You only play half the harp?
Robin: Oh, no. Uh, okay. Lily, I will take care of this. Um, I'll just pluck the other half. Is it hard to learn?
Andrea: I've been studying the harp for 12 years.
Robin: Yeah, but I'm a fast learner. You ever hear of "Guitar Hero"? Learned that in a day. Is there a "Harp Hero"?
Lily: Robin, it's fine. So, so, when are you due?
Lily: Wow, that's soon.
Andrea: Last Tuesday.
Robin: Holy crap, we have to fire her. She's gonna drop a shorty in the middle of your ceremony.
Lily: Robin, I'm not going to freak myself out. I hate those women who say, "Oh, my wedding has to be perfect." Things go wrong. Sometimes the deejay screws up your playlist. Sometimes you slip on placenta during the recessional.
Barney: Can I grab a scotch and soda real quick?
Barman: No. I'm not allowed to serve anything until the reception.
Barney: Wow. You just cost yourself a big tip, buddy.
Barman: I'm not allowed to accept tips, buddy.
Barney: You allowed to accept criticism? You, sir, are an ass... buddy.
Barney: Hey, you want to know what line doesn't work on a harp player? "Hey, baby, want to pluck?"
work on 〜の手配をする
Robin: Really? That didn't work.
Barney: Not even a little. Hey! Who's Bill?
Barney: Yeah. This guy came up to me at the bar.
Bill: Can I ask you something? Where in the ceremony is the place where they ask if anyone objects?
Barney: Uh... Don't think they do that anymore.
Bill: Oh, so when do you think someone should do it? Just wait for a lull or what?
Lily: Oh, no. Did he look like a guy who tried to be an umpire but failed?
Barney: He kind of did.
Lily: That's Scooter.
Robin: Your high school boyfriend, Scooter?
Lily: His real name is Bill. My mom must have invited him.
Robin: Why? Why would she do that?
Lily: Our families are really close. But my ex-boyfriend? Come on, Mom. I didn't invite that professional squash player Dad busted you with. Oh, I need a glass of wine.
Barney: I'll get it.
Lily: Oh, thanks. Hey, how's Marshall doing?
Barney: He's great. He's about to get his hair cut.
Lily: Oh. I'm worried my cousin's going to cut it too short.
Barney: Me, too. I was up all night.
Scooter: Hello, Lily.
Barney: Hey, Bill.
Scooter: Hey, Barney.
Lily: Scooter, what are you doing here?
Scooter: It's not "Scooter" anymore. It's Bill. A lot of things have changed about me, Lily, but one hasn't. I still love you. And I came here to win you back.
Lily: You're really cute. Oh, no. Really? Scooter.
Scooter: Lily, I-I know it's crazy, but I love you, and if you can look me in the eye and tell me that you want to marry Marshall, I will leave right now and be out of your life forever.
Lily: I want... I want... Scooter!