Clerk: Happy Thanksgiving.
Lily: Happy Thanksgiving. As in check out the chick buying the knock-up test everybody, wonder what must be going through her head. Yeah, well, since you asked, a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants is trying to suck me into their suburban nightmare. And there's a solid chance that I have an Ericksen the size of a 15-pound turkey growing inside of me.
as in 〜などで、〜したりする目的で knock up test 妊娠検査 guzzle 〜をガツガツ食う suburban 郊外の
Clerk: You know the Ericksen's? Your're Marshall's fiance.
Clerk: So nice to meet you. You are taller than described.
Lily: I'm sorry I just yelled at you. You mind if I use your bathroom?
yell at 怒鳴る
Clerk: Don't have one.
Lily: So what do you do when you have to...?
Clerk: I hold it.
Ted: You can't fire a volunteer.
Robin: Apparently you can. And his two non-mushroom-throwing friends.
Barney: I can't believe that I told Kendall you guys were cool. I have 40 hours left on my community service and now I've got to spend it spearing trash on a freaking median strip.
spearing median strip 中央分離帯
Barney: Volunteer of the year!
Ted: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. OK, look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, just tell me, I'll do it.
make it up to you 埋め合わせする
Barney: Ted, I'm glad you asked.
Robin: Surprisingly good.
Barney: Right? I told you so.
Ted: Public urination. Who gets arrested for public urination?
Public urination 公共の排尿
Marshall: Lily's been arrested.
Judy: Oh dear, what for?
Marshall: Public urination.
Marshall: Thanks, Pete.
Pete: No problem Marsh.
Marshall: You all right?
Lily: No. I embarrassed myself in front of your family and now I'm celebrating Thanksgiving in probably the most depressing place ever.
Marshall: Well, I'm glad that you're safe. Hey, weird question, why did you drive three miles down Route 23 and take a pee behind a convenience store?
Lily: OK, I'll tell you but before I do, promise me that we are not gonna move to St. Cloud, Minnesota, promise.
Marshall: Look, I'm not suggesting that we move here tomorrow. I'm just...
Lily: Just promise.
Marshall: Why do you want me to promise you that?
Lily: Because I don't fit in here. I'm not eight feet tall and I don't think you can call it a salad if it has Funyuns in it.
Funyuns is the brand name of an onion-flavored corn snack
Marshall: I'm Funyuns and mayonnaise and gummy bears and baskiceball and I love St. Cloud. And yes, there is a part of me that would like to move here someday, and why are we having this discussion in a jail cell on Thanksgiving?
Pete: OK, personal effects, one wallet, one cell phone, one pregnancy test.
effects 私物、個人資産 pregnancy 妊娠
Lily: Pete arrested me before I could look at it.
Marshall: Lily, we can't let our kids play baskiceball. Baskiceball is really dangerous.
Lily: Yeah, what are the rules to that game, anyway?
Marshall: There are no rules, we just whale on each other.
Marshall: Look, I don't wanna be exactly like my family, and don't take this the wrong way, but I don't wanna be exactly like your family either.
Marshall: We'll be our own family, and we'll find our own way to freak out the people our kids bring home.
Lily: Great, now I'm crying. Look, we may have some really big decisions to make in about 10 seconds but right now, I don't care where our kids grow up as long as they have you for a father.
Lily: Gosh, I hope you're the father. Just a little joke to lighten up the mood.
Marshall: What does it say?
Lily: I'm afraid to look.
Pete: It's negative.
Lily: Thank God.
Lily: And hey!
Robin: Ted. Are you listening? You're a good guy.
Ted: You wanna know why I have to work tomorrow? My firm's designing an executive lounge for a tobacco company. In the fight against cancer, I'm on the side of cancer.
firm 会社、事務所 executive 高価な lounge ラウンジ on the side of 〜を支持して
Barney: OK, Ted, I found a way for you to help someone, to do some good. This is Walter, and Walter is homeless. And Walter would like a lap dance.
lap dance "lap dancing"というのは日本語で言うとストリップショーでヌードダンサーが、チップを出す客の男性の膝の上に乗る踊りのことを指すのだそうです。
Ted: Are you joking?
Barney: I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment.
sublime 崇高な、気高い burlesque ちゃかした バーレスク（風）の
Ted: No, Barney, that's insane. Sir, would you like me to buy you a ticket to the buffet.
insane 常軌を逸した、正気とは思えない would you like me to 「Do you want me to _____」と意味は全く同じですが、「Would you like me to _____?」のほうが丁寧な言い方になります。お客さんや面識がない人などに使われることが多いです。
Walter: No, I'm stuffed. Just a lap dance would be fine.
I'm stuffed お腹いっぱいだ
Barney: Ted, Walter's been to three shelter dinners. You know where he hasn't been? To heaven with Samantha. Look, it's the one chance you've had all day to help someone in need. Now buy this man a lap dance.
Robin: You said you wanted to see the look of joy in someone's eyes.
Ted: You know, I don't think I'm gonna watch.
Ted: Here you go, Walter. Happy Thanksgiving.
Walter: Thank you so much. No really, thank you.
Ted: Happy Thanksgiving, guys.
Robin: Thanksgiving in November. Weird.
Narator: So that was Thanksgiving 2005. To be honest, it didn't go great. But like has plenty of good parts. It's the rough parts that make you thankful that you have people to share it with.
Dancer: Hey, I saw what you did for that guy? It was really sweet. Do you wanna dance?
Ted: Uh, no thanks. You want some yams?
Dancer: No thanks. I'm Amber.
Ted: I'm Ted.
Dancer: Actually, I'm Tracy.
Ted: Still Ted.
Narator: And that, kids, is the true story of how I met your mother.
Narator I'm kidding.