Robin: Katie, I'll admit, maybe I'm not in any place to lecture you on romantic relationships, but... but I just don't want you to make the same mistakes that I've made.
Katie: Oh, believe me, Kyle is not gay.
Robin: That's not what I meant. I just wish you weren't in such a rush to grow up. Please don't do this.
Narator: But, kids, later that night, Katie did it, and she got pregnant... with quintuplets... and she lived out her days in a trailer park... where she died an alcoholic. So the moral here, kids, don't have sex until you're married. Maybe even, like, a year or two into marriage.
quintuplet 五つ子 live out 生き延びる
His kids: Dad! The
Daughter: Come on, what really happened?
Narator: All right, here's what really happened.
Robin: She didn't do it.
Ted: Hey, that's great! You got through to her.
Robin: No, I didn't. You did. She told me that you talked to her.
Ted: Hey, Katie.
Katie: Hey. Got another Empire State Building fun fact for me?
Ted: No. I wouldn't bore you with the seven million man-hours it took to build this 102-story testament to human will. So, you okay?
Katie: I don't know what everyone is freaking out about. Kyle, he's a really nice guy. He could've cheated on me with my lab partner Gretchen Gwynn, but he didn't. 'Cause he said he knew I'd find out.
Ted: That's very gallant. Well, I don't know what your sister's freaking out about, either. I was your age my first time.
Katie: Oh, really?
Ted: Yeah, yeah. It was, uh, it was with this girl, Molly.
Molly: I love you, Ted.
Ted: Oh, I love you, too, Molly. But I didn't.
Molly: That was amazing.
Ted: Look, I got to go.
Molly: Where are you going?
Ted: My cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. We're going out to the woods to light them. It's gonna be awesome.
Molly: Well, will you call me?
Ted: Yeah. Yeah, I'll totally call you. But I didn't. Molly?
Ted: Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back. But I didn't.
Ted: And I never saw her again. I told her I loved her, but... I just wanted to have sex. I would've said anything to make that happen, and... that's exactly what I did. Look, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just telling you what all 17-year-old boys are like. Even the nice ones.
Katie: So I told Kyle I wanted to wait... and he dumped me.
Robin: Oh, oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Aw, honey. I promise everything is gonna be okay. You want to watch The Little Mermaid and drink some YooHoo?
Katie: Only if you put a buttload of Kahlua in it.
Robin: Don't tell Mom.
Robin: Thanks for doing that.
Ted: You're welcome. I knew it meant a lot to you.
Robin: But, man, your story, I mean, it doesn't even sound like you.
Ted: Yeah, well...
Ted: I love you, Molly.
Molly: Oh, I love you, too, Ted.
Ted: Wow. That was amazing.
Molly: Look, I got to go.
Ted: Wh-Where are you going?
Molly: Uh, my cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. We're going into the woods to light them. It's gonna be awesome.
Ted: Will you call me?
Molly: Yeah. I'll totally call you. Oh, Ted?
Molly: Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back.
Ted: But she didn't.
Robin: Oh, come here. I love you. I said it. Feels right. I love you.
Ted: I'm gay. I'm kidding. I love you, too. Hey... you lost your I-love-you-ginity.
Robin: Yeah. I guess I was just waiting for the right guy.
Narator: Katie ended up having a great first time in New York. And the last thing we did before she left was go to the Empire State Building.
Ted: I am so glad we're finally doing this.
Barney: What are you talking about? We were here yesterday.
Marshall: Yeah, but that didn't really count. Oh, crap.
Lily: Exactly! So yesterday doesn't count as having gone to the Empire State Building. So I lost it to you, Marshall. And I rode that elevator to the top, and I saw that view, and I basked in the awesomeness. And that's our story.
Marshall: Yeah. Yeah, that's our story. We've only had sex with each other.
Lily: We've only had sex with each other.
Barney: They've only had sex with each other.
Ted: Ooh, okay, in, in we go, in we go. Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 81: There are 1,860 steps from this... Whoa, whoa! Come on!
Ted: So, now you guys can finally say you've been to the Empire State Building. How have you lived here so long and never been to the top?
Marshall: Well, we're usually busy... drinking.
Lily: Speaking of first times, we never got to hear your virginity story.
Marshall: That's right, I almost forgot.
Barney: Okay. I was 16, and it was in a baseball dugout...
Marshall: Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Barney: I mean, I was in a subway with a high-priced call girl...
Ted: Risky Business.
Barney: I was accidentally hacking into NORAD'S computer...
Ted: That's War Games, and there's not even a sex scene in it.
Barney: All right! I was 23, and it was with my mom's 45-year-old divorced friend, Rhonda. She called me "Barry" the whole time, and for two weeks, my comforter smelled like menthol cigarettes. You happy?
Marshall: Hey... Why don't you tell us again about your first time at the camp in the Catskills.
Barney: Baby and her family spent every summer at Kellerman's. Her dad did not approve of our love.
Ted: Did anyone put Baby in a corner?
nobody puts Baby in the corner Made famous in Dirty Dancing when Johnny gets Baby for the final dance. She's sitting in the corner with her parents, who were mad at her.
Barney: Oh, God, no. What can I say, I... had... the time of my life. True story.