So are Marshall and I ready to have a baby or not?
Lily, we can't make this decision for you.It's huge.
You know what else is huge? Marshall's head.That thing's the size of a late August watermelon.Marshall's baby coming through there? Yowza!
What does Marshall think?
Probably a lot in that 1950s space helmet of a head he's walking around with.
Marshall really excited.But I think he only sees what's cute about having a baby, not what's hard about it.Like the other day, while Marshall was playing with baby Jeremy, I was talking to Jeremy's mom.
Thanks so much for inviting us over.I have not talked to another adult in, like, weeks.Well, besides my husband.But It's your turn to change him and Make him shut up really doesn't count as conversation.Sorry, I'm rambling.I haven't gotten laid in seven months.Oh, I just did it again! Sleep deprivation! Oh, wait, I'm not crying, am I? I usually am.I don't mean to complain.Oh, now I feel bad! There's my little peanut! Oh, I love you so much!
ramble とりとめもなく話す deprivation 欠乏
I'm going to be as strung out as Charlotte.Worse actually.At least her husband works from home.I mean, he's a pot dealer, but he's a very involved parent.
strung out 疲れ果てている
Marshall will be a great dad.
Marshall's always at the office, and, and I'm afraid that if we have a baby now, all the work will fall on me.
You're just panicing and focusing on the downside.
I think Lily's just being realistic.
See, this is good.This is why I called you guys both over here.Ted, you're pro kids.Robin, you're against.Counselors, opening statements.
opening statements 冒頭陳述
Okay, I know you're afraid that you're not ready.But no one ever thinks they're ready.You just have to take the leap.Parenthood will come naturally.
take a leap 飛躍する Parenthood 親であること
Well, of course you think it comes naturally.You're basically a dad already.
You're a total dad.
What are you talking about?
Ted,think about it.You tell super corny dad jokes.
Shredded tweet! Oh, man! Shredded tweet.
You lecture us.Like when we broke your stupid ship in a bottle.
I'm not angry.I'm just disappointed.
She did it!
And you do that thing all dads do with waitresses.
Hi, I'm Lori.I'll be your waitress this evening.
Hi, Lori, I'm Ted.I'll be your customer this evening.Hey, Lori,before you go,tell me, what do you get when you cross a canary with a lawn mower? No hints.No hints.
lawn mower 芝刈り機
She's right.Ted, you maybe single and childless, but you're totally a dorky dad.
I don't think I like your tone, young lady.
Marshall, Not a Father's Day is a hit! Laraby and Finklestein are helping me celebrate.Check it.World's Greatest Not A Dad mugs.There's, uh ha! Who's Not Your Daddy? Tshirts.Both available at Not A Father's Day.Com.Oh, check out the greeting cards.
For everything you do for yourself, For all the scotch upon your shelf, Your Porsche Carrera rules the freeway, Here's wishing you an all night threeway.Happy Not a Father's Day.
Check out the illustration.
It appears to be some sort of Asian hooker.
Yes.Because on Not a Father's Day, you get a Thai you'd actually wear.Wordplay five!
She's really kicking your ass here, Mosby.Your only hope is to go negative.
Okay.I'll tell you why my opponent is saying all this.Three words: scared of babies.
What? That is crazy.I am not.
Oh, yeah? Remember that time you met my cousin and her kid?
Oh, she is so cute!
Oh, do you want to hold her?
Or the baby shower Lily threw for her friend Erika?
Are you leting that baby sniff you?
I don't want to get bitten.
get bitten 刺される
And don'forget about.
Talking baby commercial?
Talking baby commercial.
But you're not like that, Lily.You love kids and they love you.
Yes, I'm loveable, pretty and wise, but is it enough?
Look, it all comes down to one word: you.Are you ready to put your own dreams on the back burner? Grad school, teaching art at the college level? Look, you need to focus on Project Lily before you can start Project Baby.If you don't, you'll always regret it.And that wouldn't be fair to you or the baby.What's that?
on the back burner 後回しにされて
It's Jeremy's sock.
I'm having a baby.
But what about all the things I just said?
But, but sock.
But what about Marshall working all the time?
But, but Project Lily!
Little fishies on it.
We made all of these arguments, and a sock is what makes your decision for you?
I guess that was the sockout punch, huh, Robin?
Shut up, Dad.
You shut up, baby hater.
Babies are scary, okay? They have giant eyes.And then, come on, the soft spot? If there's gonna be a selfdestruct button, at least hide it somewhere it won't accidentally get pressed.
Where's Lily? Hey, did you drink any of this?
Not a drop.
Eriksen, meeting in five minutes.And you'd better bring your A-game for Mr.Li.That guy haunts my nightmares.Anyway, have fun out there, kid.
Put a baby in me, Marshall.I'm ready.
Lily Lily, what are you doing here?
I'm ready, Marshall.Tonight's the night.Put your melonheaded spawn in my belly.
Come on, right now.Baby me.I am ready.Oh, hey, look.The guys in the next building are waving at me.Hello, gentlemen! We're going to make a baby!
I can't believe we lost her.
See, this is exactly why I'm never having kids.You can't let them out of your sight for even a second.
I can't find my file.
I pulled out A through G.
They just sit there with their stupid bottles.
They spit up.
spit up 吐く
And that's why kids suck.
Wow, it is a good thing we broke up.I forgot how totally psycho you are on the kids thing.
I'm psycho? Any time you even hear the word kids, you get two little lactation stains on your shirt.
Thank God you're not a mom.You are such an ice queen.Any baby nursing from you would get brain freeze.