Assault! They're suing us for assault!
Okay well.What's the penalty for assault? What do I have to pay a fine? Pick up trash on the highway? 'Cause I've done that before know what I mean?
pay a fine 罰金を払う
I don't know.
Actually he did know that the worst we were looking at was a small civil settlement and probably no criminal charges.But he was really pissed at us.
civil 罰金を払う settlement 示談 pissed at にむかつく
I mean you guys could be looking at some serious prison time.
I can't go to prison! I mean I could get a lot of reading done finally write some short stories.Work out all the time.Seriously if I don't come out of there completely ripped--
Ted, we can't go to prison! People get shivved in the joint! Plus the meals are really starchy.
get shivved 震える joint 刑務所 starchy 堅苦しい
Well,you guys should have thought of that before you beat up those guys.
What if we didn't?
Didn't what, Ted?
Didn't beat up those guys .What if Doug beat up those guys all by himself and we didn't do anything?
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! You guys didn't throw a single punch.
Well.I hit Ted and myself so
Well, who's the wuss now? You guys.
Look, can you just help us get out of this?
You know the old expression: If you're not prepared to do the time don't pretend to do the crime and laugh and get free drinks and not stand up for your friend who incidentally,has been in plenty of fights with his brothers.
expression 言い回し joint 刑務所 starchy 堅苦しい
Look you've got to help us out.Marshall.We're the Three Musketeers! If I give up Ted, how much time am I looking at?
Barney, I've been looking for you.I got, uh, tickets to this hockey game tonight.It's stupid.You want to go? It might go kind of late so maybe after the game we can grab a drink.
Oh, hey, Robin.get this.You know that fight? These guys faked the whole thing.
Oh, I forgot! Tonight is no good.I,uh, I can't go to that hockey game tonight.I got that uh That uh that uh That uh That uh That uh
Good news.I talked to the guys.
The guys you didn't beat up.They agreed to drop the lawsuit.Boom! Lawyered.
What? They agreed to drop it?
Yeah.I just explained that you two are wusses.We had a good laugh about that.A good long laugh actually.I explained how you get a mani/pedi once a month.
Weekly Wolverine-- some of us care.
And how you played the hammer dulcimer in the Pre-Reformation Dance Society at Wesleyan.
hammer ハンマー dulcimer ダルシマー
Did you at least tell them we were one of the premier Medieval chamber groups in the Little Ivies?
Oh, I did.And we all agreed it was much more likely that one guy beat up the three of them than that you two had anything to do with it so
Wait so now they're only suing Doug.
Angry, irrational, violent Doug who now knows we were the ones who threw him under the bus.
Look, Doug we can explain
Explain what? Explain how you stabbed me in the back right to my face?
Yeah,is Doug seeing anyone?
Are you seeing anyone? you really should.
Doug, look,you don't understand you beat up those guys all by yourself.
It's true,all right? They had nothing to do with it.I mean,look at these two.
It was all Ted!
Look at this guy.
Yeah,look at me!
He wouldn't last five minutes in a fight.
Well,I think I could last at least five
He's got the muscle definition of linguini.
Yeah linguini with meatballs maybe, check it.
Ted, Ted, don't.
Okay,you know what? maybe it was just me.Actually,you know what that makes a lot of sense.I tend to black out a lot.Anyway,look,i always got your back.All I ask in return is that you got mine.But you know what? you don't.You can't be counted on.No wonder your fiance left you.
And here it is,kids the only fight I've ever been in.So what can I share about the experience? Well,for starters,when you punch someone in the face, it hurts your hand a lot.But what hurts even more than that? This.And the next thing i remember was waking up.
Okay,i'm all warmed up.Let's do this thing.
Turns out getting in a fight was a terrible idea.And that's my story.
And what did you learn?
Well,i learned that fighting is bad and you shouldn't do it ever.
Yeah,where do you find these people?
I know! Was there a big sale at the wuss market?
Wuss! Wuss! Wuss! Wuss!
Of course,I didn't tell those kids what really happened.
Okay,I'm all warmed up.Let's do this thing.What happened?
Yeah,turns out Uncle Marshall and his brothers did a little more than just roughhouse.
Marshall looks good.Has he lost weight?
Kids,I'd love to leave you with the message that figing is bad and you shouldn't do it but I know that's pointless.So i'll leave you with this don't ever get in a fight with Uncle Marshall.That guy's freaking crazy.
It is so good to be home.Mom,Lily,fantastic job.Good food ,good meat,good God ,let's eat.Right? Okay,here we go.Goggles on.All right,so you guys pass the plates.Lily,you want white or dark meat?
Dark! Honey,please be careful.