ハイライトは"Here's what I would do if I were you"

Narator: Kids,the spring of 2008 was a pretty great time for me. Stella and I had started dating, and I'd just gotten a big raise at work. So I decided to purchase something I knew would be the envy of all my friends.

get a big raise 昇給する

Ted: A new car!

Barney: Ted, this is New York city... You're never gonna drive it. This is a really, really stupid purchase, and I'm sorry, but none of us can support it. Shotgun for eternity!

Robin: You can't call shotgun for eternity.

Barney: I just called it.

Robin: You can't just call things, Barney.

Barney: I call that I can call things!

Lily: Hey, baby.

Marshall: Beer.

Lily: Are you okay?

Marshall: Beer.

Ted: Okay, what happened?

Marshall: They always told me that working at a big law firm was like being at war...

Marshall:...You get out of law school, it's like getting out of boot camp. That first day at work, you're storming the beaches, full of piss and vinegar...

piss and vinegar 旺盛な活力

Man: Dude, we're lawyers now.

Marshall: Totally.

Man: We've got briefcases and everything.

Marshall: Freakin' briefcases.

Man: You have anything in yours?

Marshall: Totally empty. you?

Man: Candy bars.

Marshall: Then you get in the trenches side by side with your buddies. And you feel a sense of camaraderie. But before too long...

trench 溝 feel a sense of 意味を感じる camaraderie 仲間意識

Arthur: Hey, Marshall....

Marshall:...the shells start to fall. Hello, Arthur.

shell うわべ

Marshall: Arthur Hobbes is one of the senior partners at my firm, and he's... he's my boss. He seems like a nice guy, but he's got a nickname... Artillery Arthur.

Artillery 砲撃

Arthur: How's your morning going?

Marshall: It's going fine. How is yours?

Arthur: Not too bad, not too bad. Hey, is Ferguson in yet?

Marshall: He is, he's in... just in his office next door.

Arthur: That's great... have a good one, buddy.

Marshall: You, too. You never know who's gonna get hit...

Arthur: Hey, Ferguson! I read your report, and it's complete crap! No, you know what? That's an insult to crap. If crap could eat and then crap stuff out, it's that! Your report is the crap that crap craps! If you last two more days here, I'll be shocked! Shocked!

insult 侮辱する

Marshall: It was brutal, But the worst was a few minutes later.

brutal 残忍な

Ferguson: Did you hear that?

Marshall: Yeah, sorry.

Ferguson: Can you believe he did that On "Take-your-daughter-to-work" day?

Marshall: So that brings us to today. A little background. So I'm working on this report called "Using 23-b-3 spurious class action precedent to contest a class certification order based on a lack of commonality, numerosity..."

Ted: Dude, you lost us. Can't you just call it something cool like "the ninja report"?

Marshall: Okay. yeah, fine, whatever. Um, so I'm supposed to turn in "the ninja report" yesterday. But I got insanely busy with other stuff, I didn't get a chance to finish it, and then this morning...

Arthur: Hey, Ferguson.

Ferguson: Hey, Arthur.

Arthur: How's your day going?

Marshall: I gotta go.

Ferguson: Great. how is yours?

Arthur: Great, great... Hey, is Marshall in yet?

Ferguson: Oh, thank god. Yeah, he's right in there.

Arthur: Fantastic. have a good one, buddy.

Marshall: And then...

Marshall: He screamed at me.

Lily: Oh, baby, I'm so sorry.

Barney: What, that's it? You're upset because a guy talked loudly near you?

Marshall: Barney, I have never been screamed at like that in my life.

Ted: Come on, when's the last time you got screamed at at work?

Barney: I got screamed at three times today. Once in Korean. This is corporate America, Marshall. Screaming is a motivational tool, like christmas bonuses or sexual harassment. It's just good business.

Lily: Oh, baby, it's just not fair. You've been working so hard. Late nights, weekends. I never see you. We've barely made love in weeks. It's bad, guys, mama needs her sugar.

Robin: Look, Marshall, he screamed at you, you took it. He probably respects you more for it.

Marshall: Yeah, about that... So Arthur's busy giving me the full screaming treatment... Face turning red, vein in his forehead about to burst, spittle flying like shrapnel. Everyone you work with walking by your office, peering in. And suddenly, I just felt all of it.

vein 静脈 forehead 額 burst 破裂する spittle 唾 shrapnel 金属片 peer in 覗き込む

Ted: All of what?

Marshall: All of it. The fact that I became a lawyer to save the environment, and now I'm working for the bad guys instead. The fact that I am stuck in this job because of a mortgage I can barely afford on an apartment that is crooked. The fact that I am a grown man, and nobody, not even Artillery Arthur, has the right to talk to me like that!

Marshall: I begged my body not to do it. But it was no use. I just... I just...

Barney: Just because you weren't around for this, I called shotgun for all eternity in Ted's car.

Barney: Dude I can't believe you cried in front of your boss.

Marshall: I don't know what happened. There's just something about being yelled at like that, like I was being scolded by my dad. Suddenly... suddenly I was a little boy.

scolded by に叱られる

Robin: Is "boy" the right word?

Marshall: I felt absolutely powerless. Flaccid... Hell, I... I felt castrated.

Flaccid しおれた castrate 弱体化する

Lily: God, you're hot right now.

Marshall: And the worst thing is, tomorrow morning I have to walk into Arthur's office and give him the ninja report.

Barney: Ooh. ooh. ninjas are cool.

Marshall: How the hell am I supposed to face this guy again?

Robin: Here's what I would do if I were you.

Robin: Hi, Arthur.

Arthur: Hello, Marshall. Have you finally finished the ninja report?

Robin: Yeah, I got it. Right here. I think it's gonna blow you away.

blow away 撃ち殺す

Arthur: Please, I have a family.

Robin: So we good?

Arthur: We're so good.

Robin: Then why are you still in my office?